Grateful| Grace Helbig #Wattys2017

Chapter 4

cherrypowles

My eyes flutter open a couple of times before I wake up fully to bright lights and Goose barking and scratching at the door. I force myself out of bed, hoping that what I got told yesterday was not real, but it's real. This stupid pregnancy that I don't want is still here.

I walk into the kitchen my feet first hitting the cold tiles. As I walk my feet warm up with ever step I take. I open the back door and send Goose out to use the bathroom. I stand and watch as Goose runs around everywhere. I wait a few more minutes then call Goose back into the house. As I call her name she comes charging back into the house. I open the fridge and get out the milk. I open the cupboard to get the lucky charms out as well. I grab a bowl and I create my breakfast in less than a minute. 

As soon as I make it the sooner I feel like I am going to vomit. I sprint to the bathroom and wait by the toilet. I hug the toilet bowl as I wait for whatever needs to come up, to come up. I wait a minute and it all comes up. Everything, I have eaten that night. I hate morning sickness. I'm only four weeks but I don't need the sickness already.  I dry heave a few more times, a bit of bile comes up stinging my throat. I spit into the bowl and stand up. I flush the toilet and then move onto the sink and take a drink of water.

After I get rid of whatever my stomach could get rid of, I brave a small bowl of lucky charms. During the small meal, I go over what I was going to do today. I am going to spend the day resting and thinking about how I was going to live with this for the rest of my life. How I was going to tell the viewers. How I'm gonna tell my mom. How I'm gonna afford it. I know my YouTube gets me a lot of money and my book but it doesn't get me a lot. It gets me a little over maximum wage. I mean I need to film videos, I need to film Camp Takota, I need to do live signings.

I mean I already get anxiety and with a baby on the way how am I gonna go to all the things that get crazy. I mean that when I get bombarded at Vidcon and other events. After three hours of pondering all of this, I need to talk to someone. Reluctantly Mamrie answers the phone after two rings. 

"Mamrie?"

"Yes, little bean you ok?"

"yes, but I just need help from you."

"OK, ask away."

"What happens If I am a really bad mom. Mametown I'm panicking." I say, starting to sob.

"Right I'm coming over," Mamrie explains, ending the call. I sit and wait till Mamrie comes bursting through the door.

"Come here. Now tell me everything." Mamrie says, bringing me into a side hug.

"I'm scared."

"It is normal for a first time mom to be scared."

"No, you don't get it."

"I don;t get what Gracie?"

"I don't want it. I don't want this baby."

"Why do you say that Grace?"

"This baby is fucked if it has a mother like me. I know that it will grow up hating me."

"Now, if you think like that then the baby will, but I bet that when you first feel him kick and when you first see him during the sonogram then you will think completely differently. I can promise you that. Anyway, you have to keep my first niece or nephew." Mamrie laughs.

"Yeah, your right. Thank you so much."

"Ok, can I go back to making my YDAD now?"

"Yeah, you can. Now go." I laugh showing her the door.

"Alright see you, Grace. By little Buddy." Mamrie says, hugging me then kissing my small but noticeable bump.

"You are mental. Bye Mametown." I watch and wave as she drives of my driveway and back to her house. I close the door when I can no longer see her car.

Once Mamrie was gone, I start to panic. I calm myself down and I make sure I don't have a panic attack, I don't want to hurt the baby, I mean I was close to hurting it with the alcohol. I know the baby isn't that big and I'm sure nothing is gonna hurt it at this time but I am still making sure of that.  I go into the kitchen and make some food, as me and my baby were starting to get very hungry. Once I was finished eating, I set up the camera to make a video which was due today, talk about leaving it too last minute.

"What's up, motherfuckers." I greet as I usually do." Soon enough I was finished and I was onto editing the video. I upload the video to YouTube and hit Publish as soon as possible.

I waited for what seemed like for ages but what was really two hours, for the video to upload. I sent out a tweet apologising for the video being late. Finally, the video was uploaded. I scroll through the comments and like and reply to a few. I refreshed the page to find the same comment over and over again, with a time on it. I skip to the time and watch what could possibly be wrong. That's when I see it, my t-shirt went real tight and you could see where the petite baby bump was. I read the numerous amounts of comments saying 'OMG is Grace pregnant?' 'Mommy Helbig' 'Do any of you see the baby bump?"

I send out a little tweet just saying how I had eaten some dairy and my stomach was bloated. I was trying to get them off the fact about my pregnancy. After a few more hours of reading comments, my eye starts to become really heavy. And finally, I fall asleep on the couch, with Goose on my lap.