Other Side of the Screen (Dan x O.C.)

Chapter One

{ Yay first chapter!! Don't judge me too hard ;) }

There I was, sat on my bed like any other day. Escaping the reality that is my life. The insane expectations, the constant noise, the over bearing parents. I didn't do anything wrong today, but it still seems everything I do is not worth the effort put in. You're not good enough, just stop trying. Nobody cares, nobody will ever even notice you. You're just a bag of lies in an average, less than average, body. Stop! I want to cry out, screaming it in my head, fighting back the voices. I look down at my legs crossed under me, poking out beneath my laptop. Again, I stare with distain at the bulging skin. I'm not exactly overweight, being 150 lbs and 5 feet 8 inches tall, but I'm also not exactly skinny. I'm not toned and I don't make boys heads turn. I have average hair with average eyes and a less than average body. They're right. The voices are all right. I shake my head in an attempt to make the voices stop, attempting to keep my breathing level, slowing down my heartbeat. My parents had set me off again, telling me to do things that I didn't get done. Ordering me to go to sleep earlier. I, like always, ran upstairs and closed my door, forcing my head to shut up, but failing. Like always. Failing.

I glanced at the black screen of my laptop sitting on my bare legs, wearing just my pajama shorts and a tank top. In a long shot to ignore my problems, I pressed the power button on my computer. I heard the little ding as it booted up. I pictured it as stretching, ready for another nights work. While it was getting all of those night jitters out, I clicked the home button on my phone, staring at those two faces looking right back at me. I smiled slightly, as I always do, and unlocked my phone. Quickly, I opened Twitter seeing if anyone posted anything. Right. Tonight was yet another night of the tour. I scrolled through pictures upon pictures of people meeting them. I sighed, thinking about how much older I was. I'm only 18, but almost all of the faces staring back at me were twelve. Glancing at the little number next to my name, a tiny smile emerged on my face. Twenty Nine. Twenty nine simple days. I heard my computer let me know it was awake. Clicking the power button on my phone, I sat it next to me. Glancing through the tabs I had open, I decided on the one that said "YouTube". Finally, I thought. I clicked on my profile, staring at the minuscule number. 170. You're worthless. No one likes you. My brain repeats. "Shut up!" I hiss under my teeth and remind myself that subscribers take time. It's not going to happen overnight. After all, I'd only had my channel for a few months.

Shaking my head again, I typed into the search bar "AmazingPhil". Even though I've seen all of his videos, he always makes me smile. I scrolled down through the thumbnails until I decided on a video. Clicking it open I'm greeted with an enthusiastic "Hey guys!" A smile immediately settles on my face, making me feel a little bit goofy. Thank goodness no one ever walks into my room uninvited. "and today's Draw Phil Naked is.....!" I miss those, but I get it. I love watching Phil's videos. What I wouldn't give to be his friend. On the side of the screen I notice an old video: "Phil is not on fire 7". I can't say how many times I've seen that video. The smile on my face grows as I see these two men appear on my screen. { wow that sounds weird, nice going Colleen } My face lights up with their little puns and Dan placing his hand over his face, grimacing at the last terrible, yet amazing, joke Phil just made. I love it when they look right in the camera. My eyes meet those beautiful brown ones through the screen, the smile on the other end one of the most incredible things I've ever seen. I placed my hand delicately against the screen, my fingers lightly placed against Dan's face. I miss you. I think, even though I've never met them. Stop being creepy, Colleen! The next thought came.

And there I was. Sat on my bed, clicking forever on "next video", occasionally glancing over at the book on my bedside table, seeing those happy faces constantly staring back at me. Eventually, I gained enough strength to fall asleep. I don't know why, but I hate falling asleep but love sleeping. It's a constant cycle of "I don't want to sleep" and "I don't want to wake up". I closed my laptop, set it on my bedside table, and gathered the will to stand up to remove my makeup and take out my contacts. Collapsing on my bed, I closed my eyes, willing the thoughts to leave my head. Twenty nine days. I pondered and, with those three simple words lingering in my mind, I eventually fell into the abyss.

{ Thanks guys for reading my first chapter!! I know it was short, I promise the chapters will get longer, but I just wanted to establish the story and the character, who yes, has my name. I can dream, right?

Thanks for reading this chapter and new updates to come!

Colleen, out }