The Beginning of the End (Editing)

The End of the End

Alcohol is laced through my blood like the venom of a viper seeping through my veins, intoxicating every last inch of every last part of me that doesn't want to feel right now. My eyes glare into the thick growing forest and for a second I catch a glimpse of her healthy olive skin and piercing blue eyes- not the faded version of her. I like the older version better. The one that didn't know of the aching in my gut that screamed, "Let me love you, for I can do it so much better than them".

My feet twist and tumble over each other as I step further and further into this forget. Another swig of the poison, the cool glass bottle feeling sweet against my cracked lips mixed with the salty tears that stream numbly down my cheeks feels just as I want it to. It's the feeling of being able to be lost without being lost at all. The farther I walk into the trees, the farther my temporary fix will work. I blink once and she's staring at me, begging me to turn back around and to get in my car and drive home. My eyes dart open, and I'm seeing a dozen trees in one. I take another mouthful of the burning whiskey. "Turn around, please Kyle", she pleads as I blink again.

I want to tell her to go away, that she's hurt me so much that she's the one whose driven me here. But all in the same time I want to tell her to stay, to hug me and tell me that this is all a bad dream and that I'll wake up and nothing will have ever happened. But I know that I can't do that and I know that it won't happen. And it's all because of me.

Seconds pass in hours, and before I know it the liquor has made me lost. Really lost. I look around these unfamiliar grounds with wary eyes and a tumble to my step. My eyes are brought to the sky and see her in the peachy orange tainted clouds- the sun is setting in the most photogenic way yet my brain can't see it as a masterpiece. It's just another hateful reminder of the things she loved and that I loved about her.

"You bastard" I feel the words spit through my teeth as I look back to the grounds I've now grown somewhat familliar with. As soon as night falls Ill be okay. It'll just be me, my quarter full bottle of whiskey and the darkness embracing me in its haunting mist. I'll be able to forget wholly. Heck, maybe I'll be gone by morning. Maybe I'll have driven my self so insane that I take my own life.

The thought makes me quiver in a sick way. I always used to tell her that life would be better and that her life was worth living. Yet, here I am contemplating my senseless death over her. I know that if she were listening to my thoughts, she'd be sad for me. I don't want her pity, I don't want her to feel the way I did every torturous day that went by when she was oblivious to every shit I gave for her.

But I guess that doesn't matter now. Nothing matters now.. Other than this gorgeous bottle of whiskey that has pretty images of darkness dancing in my head, chanting words that shoot daggers at my body left right an center;

You did it
You did it
You did it