The Beginning of the End (Editing)

Ten : She

I didn't think this would happen again, Kyle having one of the fits. It's been almost a year since his last, but it wasn't anywhere near as violent as this. I've never seen him shake so vigorously before, I've never seen him in a place where he couldn't respond to anything. It was in the way he shook, in the the way his yells were strained and broken, in the way he seemed to like the look of the blood on his hands. This time was different.

I wonder what's on his mind. Why was last night was so different from the rest. I mean, I've caught him in the act of having a rope half way around his crown, but last night was worse than that- it was torture. He wasn't blankly staring at a looped and knotted rope in the hopes that it'd solve his problems, he was latched to the pain and he was letting it hurt him. Yet at the same time, he was trying to run from it.

He tells me these things. The silhouettes that scream words that hurt him and how they reenact every bad memory that has happened and every scenario that could. I'd tell him to go back to the psychologist. But now, as I look at his seemingly colourless skin and his tattered and bandaged hands, I know that he wouldn't. He's stubborn in that way.

I've asked him to go back before, he's never in the right place. I can see it, I can see through that mask he wears. He thinks its fool proof, that no one can see behind it. But I can, its as transparent as the wind. And yet he still refuses, letting lies drizzle from his mouth like a leaking tap. He doesn't realise that sometimes I think  I know more about him that he does.

I hear the sound that has been coming and going all night, just as the nurses have.  Lochie came by as well, which surprised me to say the least. I turn around and face a scowl. She quickly recovers from it and replaces it with a forced toothy smile. As she always does, she looks clean and tidy. The funny thing is, I her as soon as the ambulance got to Lochies place, yet she still hasn't shown up until now. Its been eight hours.

"Eleanor," She bluntly greets me, walking clear around me to the other side of the bed. Just as always, avoiding me like the plague. Kyle has told me about her and about her likes and dislikes- I am one of her dislikes. "Is he okay?" She sits herself down, glancing sadly down at her son.

Sadly. Sadly. If this was my child, a human I had given life to, I wouldn't look down at his almost lifeless body sadly. I'd be distraught. I'd be a blubbering mess, praying that god would let him live and that he wouldn't burden me with the sight of watching him slowly descend six-feet under. Even though the circumstances aren't that bad, I'd still be more than sad.

"He's okay," I mumble, looking down and picking the paint from under my nails. I wonder what he'd say if I told him that I'd been painting again. "Where have you been? I called you last night, its six thirty?" I ask calmly, looking down at Kyle's numb body. God forbid he hears this conversation.

Diana looks stunned, blank faced and for a moment I see that sadness gleam across her features. "That's none of your business, Miss Lilliman-"

"But it is. I've sat right here for eight goddamn hours waiting for someone to pass by, and so has he. And of all the people I thought would pass by, I thought his mother would be the first," I snap, staring her dead in the eye. I see moisture swell in her eyes, but fuck it. Lochie came by sooner than she did, and Lochie only tolerates Kyle. But his own goddamn mother? I don't understand her.

Her mouth opens to say something, but I cut her off. "There's no excuse, Mrs Thomson. He's your son." I once again look down at the boy in the blue gown who is battered and bruised from inside out , unconsciousness to everything and everyone. "He's your son." I repeat with less bite in my voice, reaching to move a lock of his scruffy brown hair off of his face.

A moment of silence falls over the room, tainted by the beeping of his heart monitor. I wonder if Diana will take in what I've just drilled into her, I wonder if she'll acknowledge the fact that she knows that I'm right. I wonder if she'll take Kyle into consideration and will begin to love him like any mother should for her child.

I'm sorry for him. I really am. I don't know exactly what it's like to have parents, but I know that this isn't what it's supposed to be like. They're supposed to love you and care for you no matter what the circumstance. They're supposed to be by your side no matter what, especially when you need them the most. But Diana isn't like that, she seems to have been misguided ever since his birth. She isn't a mother, shes just a person who lives under the same roof as him. There's a difference between a giver of life and a mother.

"His father is back," She mutters weakly which draws my attention. I look up and notice as a tear drifts slowly down her cheek. "He and I, we weren't on good terms last night, I don't have a clue where he is right now." She carries on, taking hold of Kyle's hand.

"So thats why he's here? You put those ideas, those... Those memories back into his head?" I reply heatedly, gesturing to Kyle. "Do you even realise what goes through his mind when he's reminded of that shit?" I'm trying to keep myself from yelling, but its hard to. If she was a real mother, this wouldn't have happened.

"I know but I just didn't realise that this would happen I-"

"You obviously don't know, do you? He is your fucking son, Diana! If you knew your son then you'd know that this was something that could potentially happen," I pause, standing up and looking down at her in shame. The moisture in her eyes is swelling denser.

She's realising things.

"And it happened, Didn't it Mrs Thomson? But you were too caught up in bickering with your husband about who knows what rather than attending to your son who is in hospital- it took you eight hours to get here, Mrs Thomson. Don't plead that your reason is reason enough," I lecture, glancing down to Kyle once more. I notice him stir, moving his body that was lifeless moments ago. I hope you don't hear this, Kyle.

"I know he wasn't the son that you asked for, but he's yours. And you, Mrs Thomson, are the most pathetic excuse for a mother if you don't accept him for the amazing boy that he was, is and has come to be." I finish, exhaling a weighted breathe. I am standing, shocked but proud by my actions.

Once again, she only reads of shock. Her mouth is agape and and pupils constricted behind the gloss of emotion that they're hiding behind. She better not try to top me off, because if she does I'm afraid that I'll blow my top and that Kyle will wake up to it. I don't want him to wake up to what put him here.

His anxiety gets the best of him, I miss the best of him. I miss him in general- I'd do anything to have the old him back, the one I knew less than weeks ago. If only he'd tell me what's on his mind, beyond what has just been displayed. I want to know what's really going on in his head, why he's descended into to darkness so suddenly. Just his parents alone wouldn't of done this, it never has before. Theres something else and I need to know, I need him back. I want him back. 

Authors Note

Okay so this chapter is kind of a fill in chapter and it kind of sucks but within the next few chapters the climax will approach and y'all will be feeling the feels. I assure you.

ANYWHO- im so happy because over the past week I have achieved over double the reads I had achieved over a few months which is honestly sick :D Thank you too everyone who reads, I hope you're enjoying (:

All the luh xx