Knife

1 - My First Memory

My first prominent memory is when I was four. I was mad that my parents wouldn't buy me a balloon from Party City, so I wished for them to just pay for it and get over it.

Despite their resolve so far, at that thought, their eyes went blank and they headed over to the counter, got it, and handed it over to my tiny hands. Surprised, I kept the balloon, but I could never get over how fast they gave it to me after I simply had a thought, a single wish for them to do it for me.

Maybe...

No.

The idea was too stupid, too otherworldly, too magical to be true. Even as a four-year-old, I knew that the idea that my wishes could actually take place simply because I thought them was way too great a gift for it to be real.

It had to be.

Right?

Because for any one person to have such a powerful gift was beyond my four-year-old comprehension. But at the moment, I was just excited to have such a powerful ability. Everything I wanted was a possible to get with just a single thought. Manipulation with words didn't have a place in my life anymore. All I ever wanted, all I would ever imagine could be within my palms just because of a single, maybe not even genuine, wish.

But did you know? When you lose track of what you want, when you're blindly granted everything that you lay eyes on, you lose yourself. Instead of a person, you become an incarnation of greed, greed, and greed.

What do you want now?

Everything. Everything I can lay my hands on. Whatever I can get. Everything.

I need anything and everything now.

I need the lives of everyone in my hands.

I need to control the world.

I can't just want it. I need it.

But within my four-year-old mind, I could only imagine all the things that I could get, all the items I could persuade my parents to buy. I could get that Barbie doll. I could get so much candy. I could get so many stuffed bears. I could buy a few Care Bears movies. I could get so many things. Not knowing of the troubles that would face my family, I carelessly used my ability to get all the things I want.

Mommy, I wish I had a few of those jelly beans.

Daddy, I wish I had that My Little Pony toy.

Mommy, I wish I had that pinata.

Daddy, I wish I had that ice cream.

As the days went by, I heard things said in troubling voices, but I had no idea what they meant.

"Honey, where is our money going?"

"It's disappearing, and all these toys are appearing."

"I don't understand. I'd never buy so many toys for Lexi."

"I know she needs things, but this is going overboard."

"I know. I know."

"We're going to run out of money to pay for even our electricity and water bills for the next few months. We're going to have to crack down on these toys. Maybe sell some of them. We can't have them piling up around the house."

I knew what "sell" meant. I knew they wanted to get rid of my toys.

My toys are mine. You aren't getting rid of them. I won't let you. I worked hard for them.

Mommy, Daddy, I wish you wouldn't think about getting rid of my toys.

The conversation instantly changed.

"No. The toys can't go."

"That's right. We can't let Lexi be bored all day. We'll get rid of other things."

"I have old clothes I have sell, plus those porcelain cups that we never used."

"That's right. Lexi should keep her toys. We'll sell something else."

"Will it be enough?"

"It has to be, to get us through these next months while I find a new job."

"I'll ask for extra hours too. We have to get enough to scrape by."

I understood nothing. Everything is fine, I thought. Everything is fine. My toys are staying right where they are. Why would my parents ever need or even want to sell them? I'm more important to them than that. Of course I am. I ignored the devil of my thoughts, the evil within my mind, saying that if I really was worth more than that, I shouldn't have needed to use my abilities to get them to do what I wanted.

Oh well. I ignored it, ignored everything bad that was happening around me, and went to sleep a happy little girl that night.