The Billionaire's Awakening (Unedited Version)

Chapter 15: Regrets

"We all do things we desperately wish we could undo. Those regrets just become part of who we are, along with everything else. To spend time trying to change that, well, it's like chasing clouds." ― Libba Bray

...........

Xandrous' POV

Waiting is the worst feeling ever. I paced back and forth across the living room, hands involuntarily slides insides my pockets as I waited for Victoria. I'm not leaving tonight until I cleared her everything.

My finger occasionally brushes my hair in frustrations as I stop and stared at the door like a fool, hoping that she will come out soon. I wish as I stared hard at it, it will somehow burn and I saw everything going on inside her room.

Minutes passed and it feels like years. My heart gets heavier by the second. I decided to knock. I made my way to her door and from where I stood, I heard incoherent words, weeping sounds which I believe was her, and my heart gets heavier as I hear it. I knock twice and waited, but I hear no footsteps coming towards the door.

It's now or never!

I twisted the knob and I was glad it wasn't locked. I opened it and my eyes searched for her instinctively. My heart felt like it was ripped apart again when I saw her on the floor, vulnerable. Frankie was holding her closely to her as she cried hard.

I can't blame her.

I felt the tears blinding my eyes as I stared at her, sobbing. I felt like my oxygen is slowly leaving my chest as I stared hard at her. If I could only take all the pain, I will. I hate to see her like that, and it's because of me.

Her body was shaking uncontrollably as she cried her heart out. The tears of pain, anger, and hurt, all negative emotions, kept coming incessantly from her beautiful eyes, and it pained me. It damned pained me more than death.

And the last words hit me like a hammer. "I LOST HIM! I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS PREGNANT, I lost my baby," she screamed in pain, between tears.

"You were pregnant?" I spewed out in shocked. No, shocked is an understatement. My heart plummeted into a deep abyss and then I was lost. Shattering the hope, warmth, and confidence from within me, and quickly the feeling of security diminishes - wherein, shame and guilt filled in their absence.

She looks at me, her eyes devoid of positive emotions. I can't even stare at it, the pain in my chest is excruciating. My heart felt the rawest emotion as I stared at her lifeless orbs, she looks so lost. The spirit has left it, there's nothing but hurt, pain, sadness, brokenness, and despondency. She was so vulnerable and I couldn't bear seeing her like that. My heart is breaking apart, over and over.

I felt ashamed of myself. She lost our baby and yet I thought the worst of her. I accused her of every worst possible thought.

I quickly stormed off, feeling the guilt heavier this time in my chest, consuming me. I want to beat myself out. All the while, she was hurting, and I was supposed to be there for her but I was fucking with Cassie.

Fucking damnation!

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I screamed in my head as I headed straight to my room. I screamed my lungs out as soon as I entered my room. Tears fogging my vision. I kick, threw everything that I could grab against the wall, venting out my anger, guilt most specifically, nagging me the moment I heard her.

I couldn't imagine the pain she went through. I was supposed there to sooth her, murmuring comforting words as she goes to bed, not fucking murmuring words to cajole Cassie to go through chemotherapy. I should be there, holding her when she was sad, hurt, not fucking holding Cassie as she goes through cancer. I should be there for her all this time, but I chose to ignore her because I thought, she was selfish. I fucking thought, Cassie needs me more than she does.