before you, i never thought i am capable of loving and being loved in return. nine months ago, i could only make stories about someone loving me the way i should be. i have always been a sucker for this feeling. i have grown tired of waiting for the right one to come along. i wanted to find you so i became too relentless, eager, and sleepless. i've went on people to people, trying to find what i'm looking for. i fell again and again, trying to guess. when there was someone i bumped the hardest yet didn't even think i mattered, that is when i realized that it's not the time for me or it is just badly not intended for me, at all. i have lost faith in something i never thought would be this great. then, there you are. i was exhausted, trying to find you, in love, just dreaming, from one-sided heartbreaks.
you took me when i was on the edge of being drained. you gave me all until i got too comfortable to return it back. but you are only accepting so you didn't mind. you give me blocks because you thought i would build us a castle but instead i created a wall to separate myself from you. i realized i'm still afraid to give it all again. still afraid to give the tiny pieces left, thinking it is the only thing i have for myself but if i was relentless then you are more. you didn't give up. you traveled and defeated the distance to see me to tell me you love me and to make me feel i'm worth something. every time we're together you always hold my hand like i'll fade any minute and there is nothing sweeter than that. you bought me superman printed socks when i complained that it was always too cold inside my room. there was one time you stole a kiss from me when i was too busy watching this film. when we are not together, you never turned off the call even i am asleep. you told me you like listening to my soft sleep.
i could go on, tell everyone the things that you'd do for me but those are endless. now, i feel like i don't deserve you. i have so much to say to you but i didn't because i don't want to hurt you more than you already are. i know this isn't easy for both of us. i would miss everything about you: your laugh, your touch, your chinky eyes, your soft lips, the mornings we've spent together, the nights with endless stories, the sound you make when you're asleep, the way you always bite me, pinch my sides and fake punch my face, that pretty curve on your lips is something i would die for. but it's sad, i couldn't make you smile that way again. i would never be the reason of you're smiling the next time. you are someone i would never deserve and your love is not the version of love that is ever for me. you are just literally perfect and my chest is heavy for all the times i've failed you. this is just it, i'm leaving with the fact that you're too good for someone like me. and this world, just works like it. you'll get by and it is the only thing i'm holding onto right now. even though i won't, for sure, find someone like you. i hope you'd land on the best one for you, not someone who can love you more than i ever did but someone who would do everything for you, who is down for you and only you, who will do better than i did.
i'll always love you, that's for sure.
