it feels foreign, looking at our pictures. it was your birthday and we sat side by side inside a fancy chinese restaurant. your family was across us and we held hands under the table. i don't feel it anymore but i'm sure i was nervous that time. i was inside your car before lunch, and i'm deep in my thoughts. i was thinking of a way to impress your parents. you knew something was unusual, you knew i was anxious and unusually stiff so you held my hand and asked me if i was okay. i reassured you that i was just terribly shy. the scenario is still fresh in the back of my mind. i still wonder how easily you threw it away. you were scared of your father and i was the first one you introduced to your parents. i was the first one. all that is left on my mind right now is how. how can you do this? how is this easy for you? how?
