Love Annalise

Thirteen

Dear J,

Today is graduation day.

Aaron and I were excited.

Well he was at least.

I just can't wait to get to Texas A&M to swim.

Swimming is my only escape.

It was my type of yoga.

When I'm sad,

I swim.

When I'm mad,

I swim.

When I'm happy,

I swim.

Swim is the best medicine.

Aaron and I go to college in a week.

We start to pack.

I don't have much so I have little boxes.

Most consist of pictures of you and me, books, and letters to you.

I have old records of songs you liked.

An old record player to play when I'm sad.

The college professors know about my... conditions if you will.

So if I don't show up to class I'm either sick or too depressed to get out of bed.

I mope around the house for the rest of the week.

I'm not sure what to do with myself.

Everything is a blur.

I've had more nightmares.

The worst one was of you, of course.

You were there, at the gateway to heaven.

I asked to come with you and you told me to stay--that I had a full life ahead of me.

And I did.

I screamed for you.

But you didn't hear.

You turned and left.

Just like you did in reality.

I woke up with tears streaming down my face and a cold sweat.

I surprisingly held my scream in.

I couldn't fall back asleep.

I cautiously made my way to Aaron's room.

I crawled into his bed and wrapped myself in his arms.

Bad dream?

He would ask.

I shakes my head yes and cried into his chest.

I feel asleep within minutes.

He's the only one who can keep me sane.

Miss you.

Love,
Annalise.