Disappointed to be a human

dad jokes pt2

i gave away all my dead batteries today 

Free of charge

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Did you get your hair cut?

No i got them all cut 

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To the guy who invented zero

Thanks for nothing

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So i went to the movies to see the movie constipation

but they said it didn't come out yet,

So on my way home i bumped into a tree

it looked thirsty so i poured it some of my root beer,

beside me a construction worker was digging a ditch

i said sir how did you find yourself digging ditches

he replied well i just sorta fell into it

that got me thinking what do a want to do when i get older

ya know inspecting mirrors is something i could really see myself doing\

i went to watch a movie on the t.v and started watching peter pan

my little brother asked me how came peter pan always flies

i replied cause he never lands

suddenly i remembered that i had a dentist appointment at tooth hurty

i knew the drill

so i had to print the receipt 

it wasn't printing, it must have been jamming again

then it started saying stop i cant do it it too wide ahhhhh

...................... i'm sorry vagina jokes aren't funny period

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i wouldn't buy anything with Velcro 

its a total rip off

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i was addicted to the hokey pokey 

but i turned myself around

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toddler: can you put my shoes on

dad: no they don't fit me

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