Beatrice Nims didn't know she was beautiful. Miles showed her that. They had a short living love before he disappeared. Just because it was short doesn't mean it didn't mean everything to her. It did. She spends month trying to figure out why he lef...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I couldn't even think about how angry I was the night after everything or I'd get angry all over again. Sitting in my room I was sick out my mind, feeding the thoughts of the darkest part of my mind - was he playing me this whole time. This was the worst thing I could come to imagine. Me falling while he's running.
Wednesday rolled around, Once Upon A Time, was playing..every couple has that show that they watch together and once they've moved on neither one could precede with the showings because it was too hard. The person's lap you'd lie in, on the living room couch because boys aren't allowed in bedrooms, didn't exist anymore. The one who talks non-stop through the streaming. The one who you wanted to talk to during the commercials, wasn't there. And, I took little comfort in the fact that I tried. We were getting close to the season finale and I needed to know what was going to happen next.
Again, I wanted to know. Though, I needed Miles.
The tv was watching me and I was watching my phone. Praying every time I unlocked it a notification would pop up with his heart emojis - the yellow ones, because that's his favorite color. The happy color.
More often than not, I'd feel crazy once he crossed my mind. The sun rises every morning, yet my room never seemed to catch the light, only stiffening the room. It was never brightened and no matter how much I wanted to sit in the din with mom and watch reruns of tv shows that'd been cancelled, I didn't wanna move. Ugly, was how I felt. I couldn't face myself in the mirror, when Monday came around dressing was much more easier I didn't care what I looked like because afterwards there was no one I was going to see.
My feet grew heavier and my head was a little lower when I parked my car, in front of the house on month 2, "still no call?" Kim leaned over onto my shoulder. She knew about Miles and I's relationship, but I don't think she realized how emotionally draining it was.
"He doesn't know what he's missing out on!" Kim claims.
"Yeah."
Kim's face fell. She knew, I thought. She knew what it felt like to have an endless love for a asshole of a guy.
*****************
I watched as the ceiling fan went around and around, dust flying off the blades every so often. I wondered if he had the same number, should I call? He hadn't called me, so, of course not!
Dammnit, why hadn't he called? God, I wanted him to call so bad. All the things I wanted to say to him, raced through my mind so I couldn't focus on anything specific, all I knew was that I wanted him, here.
So, maybe love wasn't like jumping off a cliff at all.
Love is like walking to edge of a cliff with that single other soul. Hands intertwined and we'd jump together.
Miles and I didn't walk to the edge together...I walked alone hoping he'd follow. I held my breathe and jumped. And I fell. Fell. Fell. Without Miles.
