Beatrice Nims didn't know she was beautiful. Miles showed her that. They had a short living love before he disappeared. Just because it was short doesn't mean it didn't mean everything to her. It did. She spends month trying to figure out why he lef...
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Something felt odd sitting with him, in this familiar place where it all started - booths seemed smaller and the lights darker, the people who waited in line watching the glazed donuts be packed grew duller - this familiar guy not so familiar. He looked the same, but so different at the same time , he hasn't even spoken and I'm lost in his voice. I was convinced that the puffy clouds passing gracefully would somehow soothe me, focusing my thoughts on one thing - serenity.
I wanted to feel unbroken, to not look at him and wanna lick the side of his face or initiate the hand holding, underneath the table - I wanted to feel wanted by him.
This was me, being the girl who he left behind.
"God, I've missed you."
I held my breathe to prevent me from breathing the wrong way and him noticing. Even though I was sitting here I didn't wanna be.
But the clouds started to slow once he spoke. The pattern still the same, and I could now admire everything - the shape, the subtle holes, the space between them and the space between us.
"I am sorry," I watched as he leaned forward through my peripheral sight, his big hands placed on the green table that I scrubbed clean earlier , hoping he'd remember our spot, the booth where the light didn't shine bright, so either of us could glow while the other admired the view, he didn't mention it, "I'm sorry,"
There was a silence, "look at me, babe," he scooted out of his side of the booth and before I knew it he was sitting next to me, caressing my cheek with his hands - wiping away the tears that were brewing the minute I saw his black car pull into the space. He slowly turned my head so we could see each other's eyes, me revealing the weak girl, he had left behind.
Tears don't last.
"What happened?!" What happened!?
He pulled me into his arms, stroking my brown hair, the silence between us, the shrinking space and the serenity - in his arms.
Broken.
Happy.
Again.
A broken, happy girl ,yet again.
"I have a congenital heart disorder, I've been getting treatment,"
I snatched away from him, the fury rising, the tears blurring my vision but I could see the few costumers with smug looks and employees not doing there job, looking in our direction.
"Let me finish!" He shouted, calmly, but loud enough to have me stop and give him my attention. Him pulling a stray piece of hair out of my face, cornering me in the booth so I could finally listen.
"I left because things were getting bad and I didn't want you to see that,"
"What'd you think I'd do? Run?" He looked down but I forced him to look me in the eyes - his were getting glassy and i knew we were both alive in this moment, our chest rose in sync and nothing was broken.
"I'm here for you, I always have been, I never said I was going anywhere, Miles." I came into this place angry, shouting at costumers over the speakers and heavily stomping my feet down the hall because I thought Miles was a bitch - cold hearted and didn't care about my feelings. Now, he was here, we were together, me and him.
"You and me..."
He has coronary artery disease. As of today, he is alive, but I wasn't prepared to hear those words, I wasn't prepared to hear he would soon leave again. The laughter started and it wouldn't stop, "this is too much," but once it calmed down and his eyes contracted, I was able to breathe. His eyes were still glassy, just as mine were red.
There was a great deal of noise that had accumulated, from rustiness of the machines to the costumers the Ursula talking to the costumers about the donut holes, within the building, I shrunk in the seat beside him, I took his hand - him and me, in the midst of the irritable laughters and conversations. Him and me, against this illness. I continued to breathe, my chest has to rise, I told myself, you have to be alive.
The clouds had parted and started to drift in different directions, the holes never being filled, today. Ursula informed me that Krispy Kreme was closing so we had to go - with his hand in mine we stood in the parking lot, him probably unaware that this was the place that I knew I loved him - or the beginning stages of me, really loving this guy.
So I thought that maybe my love for him was free falling and just like that, I didn't have a choice in the matter - I mean, if given the chance, who would choose this kind of love?
