guardian | gintoki x reader

c h a p t e r s e v e n

The smell of alcohol had filled up her room which gave off an awful smell mixed in with the odor of her throwing up the afternoon meal.  She crawled up to the sink and turned on the water to wash out the bitterness left in her mouth.  She panted heavily and swallowed down a chocked sob that begged for release.  So many mixed emotions building up in her.  It felt like her heavy heart would burst at any moment along with her head exploding from the tremendous headache.
        What happened earlier could have been food poisoning but judging by all the drinking she's had lately, it could be a hangover.  She didn't know and was probably still drunk.  How?  It made her have mental break downs like the one she was having right now.

Matako had noticed the sudden changes in [Name] over the past few weeks.  She would stop by to check up on Lord Shinsuke and would even stay there for hours just staring at him.  She even notice the smell of booze coming from her.  "[Name]," she had asked.  "Are you doing well?  You look out of it."  She only gave Matako a smile and a nod saying that she was fine.  Matako didn't believe her from the dark half circles under the [color] haired girl's eyes.
"You know, if you need someone to talk to I—"
"I'm fine."  She said sternly with a small amount of venom in her voice.  She backed off of the unexpected change in her voice and how she gave it off.  The blonde shook under her gaze.  She had never seen [Name] like this before.  Never saw her in such sadness and pain that were swirling in those now dead eyes of her's.  She questioned if that person was actually the cherry and goofy [Name] behind those eyes.  Now she only looked like a lost child trying to find a wonderland that didn't exist. 
        Bansai placed his hand on the blondie's shoulder and shook his head at her.  She quickly nodded her head at him and followed behind as he led her away from the woman.  It wasn't just Matako, but Bansai also wanted to hold that little girl and tell her that everything would be okay.

"Toshi," Kondo had asked.  "What do you think [Name] is doing right now?"  Hijikata gave him a look of confusion, "Hah?  Why should I care what she's up to.  It's not like she even cares about us anymore.  Her actions have said enough."  Kondo looked down at hearing his reply.  He didn't agree to Toshiro's words for he had a feeling that her actions were false.  "That may not be true, but to me, she is still a friend." 
"Keep thinking that and it'll come bite your hairy gorilla ass."  He snickered.
"Toshi!  That's so mean of you to say!"  He fake cried.
"But still," Hijikata continued, lighting up his cigarette and puffing out a long drag of smoke between his lips.  "She should hurry on back home because I don't think the Shiroyasha can handle it for much longer."
And neither can I, Toshiro had thought.

Gintoki couldn't sleep well that night.  He felt like something was wrong.  He felt like he shouldn't be in bed; that he should be somewhere else.  The feeling shook him and left an awful taste sitting on his tongue.  His red eyes just stared blankly at the ceiling.  He could oddly feel a pang in his chest—a pang he couldn't understand of why it was there.  The emotion led from one thing to another of him thinking about the past.  Then it lead to [Name] and how she left them.
        Were they not enough for her?  What did he do wrong?  Why did she leave?  Did she not love him anymore?  Why did she show up all of a sudden by Takasugi's side?  Why did she join up with him?  What the fuck does he have that I don't?
The silver haired perm realized that he sounded ridiculous of his rambling in his head.  He let out a chuckle to laugh it off.  What pissed him off was that the laughter died down into utter silent weepings for help.

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Absolute silence leads to sadness.  It is the image of death.