Fed Up

(17) Behind Family Walls

I'm gonna smile like nothing's wrong pretend like everything's alright, act like it's all perfect, even though inside it really hurts...

Wounds in the Way / Rachelle Ferrell

Please excuse any mistakes...
"That man you saw at my father's house is my father's best friend. He's the same man who mom started having an affair with when I seven, and he's also my molester, and my mother knew what he was doing to me." I said. Tears rolled down my face as spoke the devastating words for the first time in 13 years.

Elijah walked to me to try to comfort me but I stopped him because if he did I'd break and I would never have the courage to tell this story ever again.

"There's something that you need to know about me." I said and Elijah stopped.

"Aimya you don't have to-"

"I do Elijah. I need to get this off my chest. What I have to say might change the way you see me. " I said as more tears rolled down my face, scared thinking he'd judge me.

"As you know my family was very dysfunctional. By time I was born the love was gone between my parents, so when my brothers speak of happy memories I'm always quiet because I didn't get to experience that. I only experienced the arguments, walking into my father's home office and catching him with other women, walking in the kitchen after school and catching my mother with the mailman, neighbors, pool boys, my father being gone from days to weeks because his mistresses were too important than his family,my mother locking me in my room at days at a time with very little food just so I won't interrupt her get togethers with men, and my brothers always being to busy to answer the phone when I really needed somebody when they went to North Carolina for college. If it wasn't for Shelia I would've killed myself a long time ago.

"My father's "best friend" name is Antonio, but goes by Tony Goodman. My father has known him since elementary school. Where you see my father you saw that bastard. My father and his friend moved to Oklahoma because they got accepted to OU. That's where he met my mother. I've always been told that they almost fell in love instantly. They dated for a year before my dad proposed to her and not even two months after proposing to her they got married and nine months afterwards here comes Desmond and Dontae. During the six year frame, my father starts to build his business from the ground up and his many infidelities start to occur. During the six years they say mother changed from being very humble person into the stuck up, judgmental person. Materialistic things started to mean more than her marriage and family. My mother stopped her career as doctor to become a housewife. She did everything for my father just as how I remember as a child. She knew he was cheating and turned the blind eye to it all.

"By the time I came, they thought having another child would fix their crumbling marriage, but instead of fixing it did the opposite. My first memory of my parents was them arguing and he running out the door while my mother chasing him begging him to stop from leaving.

My brothers would never be home by time they were in middle school. They always would spend the night at friends house to ignore the war zone at home,as for me I had no choice, but to stay at home. By time I was twelve they were in college and I had no one expect for Shelia.

"By the time I was in middle school I was use to the arguments, the sound of broken glass hitting the walls when my mother aimed at my father's head, seeing my parents bringing others in and out of the house when the other wasn't home. They didn't give a damn about me. I tried so hard to make them proud of me so they would just notice me for at least a second,but it never worked. My father did anything to get me out of his face most of time he used money to get out of his way. I've always been bigger than others even as a little girl and my mother has always critiqued that. She would starved me and taught me how to purge at the age of 4, so I'd find a husband when I was older. She nick picked at everything I did, nothing was ever good enough for her.