I sighed. It seemed as though I’d never learn. Just never learn period. Like not one specific thing, but simply never learn. Because lately it seemed that I just kept making the same mistakes over and over, and feeling the same dumb feelings over and over. I sighed again unhappy with myself, but decided I could feel that way about myself at home, and should probably leave the parking lot. I turned the car on and pulled out of the parking, into the busy streets, turning the radio up, and hoping the music would drown out my crazy thoughts.
(His POV)
“Did you invite her for next week?” I rushed the words out to Lou.
“Damn, Har calm down. Yea I asked her, but I don’t know what she’s going to do, and I don’t think she does either.” He responded to me while standing up and heading into the booth.
“Ooh.” I whispered. I needed so badly for her to call Louis back right this second and tell him she’d be there. Tell him that I’d have another chance to her, another chance to try and get her back in my arms.
(Your POV)
I threw my keys and purse down on the counter, and then walked over to the couch, where I let my legs give out and fall into the cushions for the only support I felt I had lately. Cassie would be home in about 4 hoursish, not like I was counting down to the moment when I would have to try and explain to someone what the hell had happened between Harry and I. Right now though, I had no fucking idea.
I let myself drown in the cushions for probably longer than I should have before deciding to get some food, to help with the battle of thoughts going on inside of me.
I opened the cabinets, just to close them again. Then moved on to the fridge, which didn’t seem to be offering much more.
“Ugh! Why can’t there just be food that’s edible and shit!” I screamed at the kitchen, while the obviously edible food stared back at me.
Defeated I walked back over the couch and plopped down. Why? Why did this asshole always do this to me? I shouldn’t be this weak, but I was. So what to do now…I guess even when I have no idea, what to do or how I feel about a certain situation, I always know one thing for sure. I love him. And with that fact I picked up my phone and dialed Louis’s number.
“Leave your voicemail, or some shit.” I breathed out part of a laugh at Louis’s voicemail.
“Loving your voicemail Lou, anyways I’ll be there, at your get together or whatever. Okay, um, yea, bye I guess.” I felt so awkward for some reason saying I was going to be there. In some way it felt as though I was just the weakest, dumbest thing that walked the face of the Earth. I mean everyone knew that the only reason I’d be going would be Harry. And everyone knew that he just about cheated on my dumb, weak ass, so going to a house party just to see him, would make me pretty stupid, right? I thought so too…I mean why was I even going? I love him, I know that part, but I mean what was I going to say to him, or do, or God I just… I think I should just call Lou back say never mind, jk, no way…
No, no I shouldn’t do that. I need to go. See Harry. See the boys. See everyone. I missed them. And ugh, it might be awkward and weird, but Harry and I need to see each other, talk, figure whatever shit we have to out, and for now a public place was probably the best. In a private area I’m afraid I’d forget all my morals and self-preservation, and just jump him. Throw all our clothes off and make up for missed time…but that couldn’t happen.
(His Pov)
She was coming. Y/n was going to be there. I’m not sure what this meant, but it felt like our treaded first date all over again. This was worse though, this was much worse. The skeletons were already out of the closet; there was no more hiding the dark secrets in the shadows because they were already out in the sunlight. So yea this was way worse. Now I had to prove to her a reason to stay anyways, even though I probably have more skeletons, dark, eerie secrets, and fucked up past then the next guy.
I was currently staring at the ceiling fan in my room, sprawled on my back in the cold bed by myself feeling more hopeless then I had in the past few weeks. Which made no sense, I know. She finally seemed like she was going to possibly give me a second chance. One would assume that I’d be excited, happy, or at least slightly more uplifting then I currently was. But there was something about the fact that now the future of our relationship truly did depend on me. She did her part. She was coming. She was giving me the opportunity to show her why she should stay; why she should try, why she should put up with my shit. And frankly I had no idea how to show her such things, since I was struggling with those ideas myself.
“So are you going with the less clothes you have on the less time you’ll have to spend taking them off in my coat closet?” Louis’s voice brought me out of my thoughts. I looked down at myself and realized that I only had boxers on and everything was suppose be starting relatively soon.
“No, no…I just..Uhh, yea I’ll get dressed.” I murmured out as I scrambled out of bed.
“Har you know this is good right?” Louis’s concerned voice brought me out of my haze of searching through my dresser for something that seemed at least slightly approvable.
“Yea, yea. Sure it is.” I responded to him half-heartedly returning to the search.
“Harry seriously. This is good. I was just kidding about the coat closet mate.” He paused for a second to give me an awkward laugh before continuing. “Harry I’m sorry but you’re idiot if you don’t see how much this girl loves you right now. She is coming. She has no other reason to come if it weren’t for you. Yes she misses the boys and I, but after all that’s happened its pretty obvious that you’re the reason she’s coming; that she’s ready to give you another chance. So mate stop acting like a run over kitten and get your ass in the car so we wont be late to a party that I’m hosting.” Louis finished with his usually dramatic arms in the air, finger pointing, eyes bugging, agree with me statement closer. I sighed before responding,
“You don’t get it do you? Now it’s up to me. The ball is in my court. Not that is hasn’t been the whole time really, but now I have to prove myself. I have to give her a reason to stay, when I’m not even sure myself. At this point in my life I wish I was someone else, so I could get away from me. I suck bro. I just don’t really know what to do right now…fuck that I don’t know what to do ever, never, future, past, present I just don’t know what to fucking do.” I breathed at the end of all this finally letting it all out.
“Ooh harry shut the fuck up. You can suck sometimes I agree. You fucked up a few weeks ago with Y/n I’m not gonna lie. But you are a great guy. I am someone else if you haven’t notice and I don’t want to get away from you, I love you. You’re my brother, my best friend, so shut up. You don’t have to know anything, but that you love her, which you do. So just show her the truth, be real, show her what you feel. Sure that might sound gay, but fuck it love is love and being true to it is the only way it will work out in the end. And obviously Y/n loves you. She has her many opportunities to get away from you, but yet she chooses again and again to stick around. I don’t think you have anything to lose here bro. Just go love the girl that loves you, and don’t hurt her again. Like I’ve said before you guys are the ones everyone hates you’re so perfect together, so go be perfect again. As much as we all hate it, we miss it. Plus Y/n practically feeds all of us, so we’ve been like starved, we actually probably need her back more than you.” Louis tried to joke with me and gently punched my shoulder to try and lighten the mood. It helped. His words defiantly helped. He was right. I loved this girl, and she obviously cared for me somewhat to be showing up tonight. I didn’t know much of anything at the moment. My head felt like clouded fog being weighted down, but through the fog the only thing I could make out was her, Y/n. So I would go. I would get her back. I would love her, and quite frankly I would never let her go again.
“True we also enjoy being nauseously perfect as well, thanks.” I punched him back and laughed at my own dumb joke.
“Ooh whatever asshole, just come on we’re going to be late, like always.” Louis responded while trying to fight laughing.
