trying to smile/// captain canary one-shot

trying to smile

It's been almost 3 months since Leonard sacrificed himself for the team... For the first few weeks everything was pretty quiet on the Waverider barely any noise to be heard, a few words were said while passing another in the hall a few conversations were shared no one really knew what to do. Mick might have been the worst. He threatened to shoot anybody who came within 3 feet of him as for me... I kept to myself and stayed in my room only leaving when I had to. After a while things started to lighten up. More words were said and occasionally there were a few laughs Mick had stopped threatening people and I left my room more often but one thing didn't change... Leonard was still gone...

I was staring up at the ceiling I turned my head to see the cold gun laying next to me I turned away from it before the tears could form. As I was getting Mick out I had grabbed the cold gun as I left. I kept it with me so nothing would happen to it but I wasn't sure how long I could keep it. It brought to many memories that I didn't want to live again. I looked back over at the gun studying it's shape and form when an idea occurred to me I sat up and picked up the gun and walked out of my room making my way down the hall and through the control room where Rip was in his office looking over some maps and papers.

"Rip." I said he turned around to look at me

"What is it Sara?" He asked

"Would it be alright if we made a stop in Central City?" I Replied, a look of confusion spread across his face

"What for?" He asked I held up the gun in my hand

"I would like to return this to Cisco Ramon." Rip looked at the gun and then back up to me

"Are you sure Sara?" He asked I nodded

"I can't keep it anymore. And no one is going to use it." I said trying to prevent tears from forming. I didn't want any of them to see me cry.

Rip nodded "okay but if you're sure" he said

"I am" I said Rip sighed and called everyone else in the control room and explained to them what was going on. A few of them looked at me but I didn't make eye contact. We all strapped ourselves into the seats and We took off a minute or so later we landed about a mile or so away from S. T. A. R Labs I stood up and walked towards the door I put on a jacket and put the cold gun in a bag I was about to leave when I heard footsteps behind me I turned around to see Ray.

"What is it Ray?" I asked

"You know... You don't have to go alone." He said

I shrugged "It doesn't bother me"

Ray sighed "I could come with you. Of you don't mind that is"

"You can if you want" I replied Ray smiled a little also putting on a jacket. Together the both of us stepped off the Waverider and made our way towards S. T. A. R labs we didn't talk much. I guess Ray figured I wasn't in the mood for conversation. We arrived at S. T. A. R labs and we walked in the door and walked down the halls Ray looked over at me I didn't look at him but I nodded saying that I was okay. I followed him to where Barry Allen, Caitlin Snow, and Cisco Ramon were

"Hey guys!" Ray said walking into the room with me behind him

"Ray" Caitlin said "what are you doing here?" She asked

"Yeah. Oliver said you were on some Time- Traveling mission" Barry said

"I am. This is just a quick stop" he said and looked over to me.
"This is Sara Lance. You've probably heard of her."

"Right. Laurels sister right?" Cisco asked

I nodded "yeah."

"Nice to meet you Sara" Caitlin said smiling at me a little before turning back to Ray

"So... What are you guys doing here?" She said Ray glanced over to me I took a deep breath before speaking

"I have something that I would like to return." I said handing the bag to Cisco some kind of weight was lifted off my shoulders once the bag left my hands but I also felt guilt. Like I was betraying Leonard. Cisco glanced at me for a second before looking into the bag. His eyes went a little wide before pulling out the cold gun

"The cold gun?" Barry asked walking over

Caitlin looked at us "Why are you giving this back. What about Snart?" She asked my breath caught in my throat I looked down blinking back tears before they formed

"Sara?" I heard Ray's voice I looked up at him and nodded

"I'm fine" I said

"You sure cause you don't have to-" I interrupted him by shaking my head he nodded I looked back over to the three of them taking a deep breath.

"Leonard's dead" I said shock began to form on their faces

"He's dead?" Caitlin said

"How?" Barry asked

"It's a long story. But he saved our lives" I replied

"I somehow find that hard to believe" Cisco said

"But it's true. He was a hero... Whether he wanted to believe it or not. I could go into details on what happened but we should be getting back to the ship. And I'm pretty sure Sara isn't ready to relive those memories" Ray explained

Caitlin nodded "I understand." She said looking at me and somehow I felt she understood a bit more than I expected. Which made me smile a little

"We should go. It was nice to finally meet you guys" I said giving a small wave as I walked out with Ray behind me we began the walk back to the Waverider Ray stopped a few feet before the doors and looked over to me

"Are you okay?" He asked I thought for a second before looking back over to him with a small smile on my face. Which surprised him

"I'm okay. For the first time in 3 months. I am actually okay" I replied Ray smiled and we walked onto the Waverider I walked down the hall passing by my own room and walked into the room Leonard claimed as his own so long ago. I laid on the bed taking In his fading smell. I remembered back to that day. I had kissed him before bringing Mick back to the ship. When I closed my eyes and thought about it I could still feel the feeling. Being scared, not wanting to lose him but knowing it was inevitable. I smiled to myself as I realized I didn't need to feel guilty or feel like I betrayed him. Because I know he wouldn't want me dwelling on the past he would want me to move on. I sat up and hopped off the bed but before I walked out the door I caught something out of the corner of my eye. I turned my head towards it and Leonard's jacket was laid on a chair in the corner I slipped off my own jacket and slipped his on. I walked out of the room and into the console room where everyone was I smiled at all of them. It was then realized that I didn't need to hold on to something to always remember someone I love. Because I didn't need any help remembering. No matter what they will always stay with me.