Chapter One: Nazis in the Walls
In which I valiantly defend myself and my loved ones from the brutal cancer bent on the destruction of our people, ruin the wall treatments in my bedroom, and deeply worry my mother.
Chapter Two: City on the Edge of Forever
In which the Shukert family takes a holiday, and an age-old query is answered.
Chapter Three: The Russians Are Coming
In which I generously place my considerable intellectual and personal resources at the disposal of two Jewish waifs from the newly disbanded Soviet Union, and am rewarded with a glimpse into the passionate Russian soul.
Chapter Four: A Very Goyische Christmas
In which I reminisce fondly of the heartwarming holiday traditions of my All-American Midwestern childhood in the manner of Jean Shepard’s classic “A Christmas Story”, if Ralphie Parker and his family were self-loathing Jews instead of Indiana farm people. Also, I am vomited upon by a very old man.
Chapter Five: Typical Bat Mitzvah Speech, United States, c. 1992-1995
In which a crack team of Chinese ethno-paleontologists present their take on this ancient tribal custom, aided by the archeological find of the 31st century.
Chapter Six: For the Good and Welfare
In which I discover and examine the peculiar mating rituals of the Jewish teen youth group and make my mother very happy.
Chapter Seven: A Lot Of People Are Virgins
In which I offer and request sexual advice from a very high-ranking government official.
Chapter Eight: On The Question Of My Obscurity
In which I recount my theatrical triumphs on the stages of Omaha, and meet defeat in the dorm rooms of New York.
Chapter Nine: The Anorexic’s Cookbook
In which I offer hard-won tips to other aspiring anorexics, ponder the ubiquity of kittens in modern healthcare, and become the unwilling victim of a particularly nasty gynecological procedure.
Chapter Ten: A Nice Girl Like You
In which I venture bravely into the job market of a changed and sobered New York City, am insulted by querulous gays, asked personal questions by a talking sock, and find myself otherwise ill-quipped for the world of commerce.
Chapter Eleven: Have You No Shame?
In which a family tragedy brings me back to the cattle-strewn bosom of the heartland.
YOU ARE READING
Have You No Shame? And Other Regrettable Stories
Non-FictionGrowing up in white-bread Omaha, Nebraska, Rachel Shukert was one of thirty-seven students (circa 1990) in Nebraska’s only Jewish elementary school. She spent her days dreaming of a fantasy Aryan boyfriend named Chris McPresbyterian, a tall blond go...
