ink.

demons.

[weird]

“Look me in the eyes,” He said in a low, menacing voice. I was so scared but still, I refuse. “Look me in the eyes, Farah,” He threatened and I shook my head, turning away from him. He still had my wrists in his hands, not letting go.

“Let me go,” I squeaked, about to cry. I can hear him sigh and I can picture him rolling his eyes.

“You know what happened the last time I let someone go?” He whispers in my ear, breath fanning my neck. “She died.”

I shiver, remembering that night. I glance at him, sitting in the bed across from mine. He is sighing heavily every now and then, with his head in his hands. I dart my eyes away from him as I scan the white little room. Bookshelves were in the wall at the side, along with a little desk. Two beds side by side, not meeting. Like parallel lines, we were never meant to meet, but somehow, we did.

“Hm, you wanna know something?” He murmurs in my ear and I nod, not really trusting my own voice. I can hear him chuckle a little as he leans more on me. “You’re so weird… I still can’t understand why I love you.”

I can’t help but glance at him again. His built figure and dark hair messy again. I have the temptation to walk over to him and ruffle his hair. I can’t.

You wanna know why?

He is dangerous.

“What are you doing?” I whisper, looking at him with curiosity. He shushes me as he pats the empty space next to him. I reluctantly walk over to him and sit on the concrete.  He grins as me as he takes out a little remote from his back pocket. He opens my fist and places the remote on it. His hand is so warm, and soft, so…safe.

I look at the remote on my palm, confusion prominent on my face. I hear him chuckle lowly as he scoots closer to me and points at the only button. “Press it,” he says tentatively. I shook my head, what was that supposed to do? “Just press it, okay?” He said harsher this time.

I looked at the red bottom and pressed it quickly, afraid it might do something to me. But still, nothing happened. Until I heard a strong and loud boom coming from somewhere around. And when I looked through the window, the next building was on fire.

I can’t help the tears streaming down my face as I remember that. I stand up quickly, going to the desk and sitting on the chair. I can’t see him now. Not now.

I choke back a sob as I cover my mouth, and shut my eyes tightly, trying to make the flashbacks go away. But they weren’t, it was useless.

“You placed a bomb on the building?!” I exclaimed, panicking. What was in his mind? I gasp as I hear the help of cries and screams. So loud, I had to cover my ears. I can hear him sigh and stand up aggressively. Then, I feel warm hands in my shoulders, shaking them back and forth.

“They deserve it.”

“Who?” I exclaim, tears in my eyes. His face doesn’t soften nor does he acknowledge the salty tears running down my cheeks.

“You’re crying for those bastards?!” He says furiously and I nod, sobbing uncontrollably. He sighs and ruffles his hair, rolling his eyes.

When the ambient got hotter, the screams got louder and the voices in my head were winning, I was already a sobbing mess. I couldn’t bear it.

“M-make it stop,” I murmur, still crying. My throat has a huge lump and my stomach in knots; all because of him and his stupidity. “Make it stop!” I yell, covering my ears again. Soon I can feel strong arms around my torso, holding me tight as he rubbed my back and placed a soft kiss on my forehead.

He is dangerous. He killed them. Not one person, no, maybe the whole population who was in that building. Through weeks, they tried to find the culprit and they told people to contact the police if they knew anything.

How many times did I have the phone in my hands, my fingers pressing the numbers? How many times was I tempted? How many times was I yelled at because I was about to betray him? How long did I last before breaking down?

“W-why?” I croak, frightened. Still in the darkness I can locate him. I can feel his breath on my face and feel the warmth of his body. I can feel him in front of me.

“Revenge.”

“Revenge?”

How can I love and be afraid of someone at the same time? Is it possible to hate and love a person at the same time?

“Why?” I manage to gain strength. My voice is strong and hoarse from the yelling we had before.

“Because,” He says and I scoff, closing my eyes.

“Why are your eyes closed?”

“Because,” I retort angrily. He could trust me. I think.

“You’re so difficult,” He groans and I cross my arms over my chest, still angry. Soon I feel a hand grab my chin and tilt it up. I furrow my eyebrows, curious, but still not opening my eyes. Then I feel his lips on mine. Soft and gentle, but needy at the same time.

“Why aren’t you kissing me back?” He demands and I shake my head, still not opening my eyes.

“Tell me.” I demand back, backing away. One step, two steps, three steps…

It was sad, because that night I was regretting my decision of knowing. I regretted meeting him. I regretted talking to him. I even regret coming to that park that day.

“Why?”

“They killed someone,” He paused, looking at me. “And I want revenge.”

“You are a monster.”

“I know.”

Then why didn’t he stop?

“Look me in the eyes,” He said in a low, menacing voice. I was so scared but still, I refuse. “Look me in the eyes, Farah,” He threatened and I shook my head, turning away from him. He still had my wrists in his hands, not letting go.

“Let me go,” I squeaked, about to cry. I can hear him sigh and I can picture him rolling his eyes.

“You know what happened the last time I let someone go?” He whispers in my ear, breath fanning my neck. “She died.”

“I-I,” I force out, swallowing the lump in my throat.

“I love you,” He whispers in my ear softly and I shiver, still in shock.

“You’re a monster,” I murmur, looking away from his pleading eyes.

“I know,” He says regretfully, ducking his head down.

“You’re dangerous,”

“I know.” He repeats, now looking up at me.

“Are you going to hurt me?”

“No.”

“Don’t lie,” I plea, closing my eyes for a moment.

“I don’t lie, I don’t want to hurt you,” He says and both of us stay quiet, until he breaks the silence. “I have my own demons to fight, Farah, and I’m working on that because of you.”

Is it really possible to love and be afraid at the same time?