ink.

hazy.

this was one entry that i never posted because i thought i lost it, but j found it and decided to share it :D i know this book is 'completed' but there may be a few more entries missing, so watch out for updates :))

I was strangely familiar with the blurred face in front of me. The corpse was fading on hazy, but there were minuscule moments when it seemed to regain its force and shine a tad brighter.

Laughter filled my ears, as well as sobs in the distance. It occurred to me the strange analogy that no one is ever happy completely, because there's always something dragging you away from your throne.

I couldn't keep my eyes off the strange apparition. I felt it stared back at me too, just with more intensity than I could ever gather. My thoughts were loyal to the situation, just drifting a second to unknown lands. My eyes were glued to the form again, and I was self-conscious that my eyes were widened in an unnatural state.

Neither of us moved for a really, really long time. The white ghost in front of me was still fragile and weak - like a candle.

The creature - as I would like to call - had a face too. It had long arms and legs, it was way taller than me. Maybe two meters or more, if I calculed well. The body was white. I had once learned that white was never really white, but the presence of all colors and to be honest, I've always stick to that rule.

Now, but it was completely white. I could not see a tiny streak of a yellow or purple. At the same time, it wasn't completely opaque.

That was the moment I realised my eyes were all this time staring at the white part that I thought it would be its torso. I was afraid of looking up.

Curiosity got the best of me and finally, I got the courage to look up.

In a long, long time, I've never felt this. I've never felt so much hatred for myself and my imagination.

At the same time I was terrified. Because who would imagine herself as a big, ugly monster?

It was me staring at myself. Like a civil war inside me.

And I think the outcasts are getting their revenge.

I stared at myself in an agonizing way, as I regained conscience of what was happening. The monster; it didn't move, so neither did I. It wasn't breathing, it seemed dead and like a ghost, floating in air.

Was I dead?

I didn't know how I got here, and probably never will. I will never know what was happening, much less in this moment. Seconds ticked by, but slowly and torturing.

Overall, I still didn't have an answer for that question. Was I dead?

It didn't feel like it, but somehow, somehow I knew this was the end, that this was death, as my vision started to deteriorate in an amazing way. White specks danced wildly as my eyelids were tired, and my body grew numb.

The creature had been staring at me, dead, and I just knew my fate was sealed. I was destined to die.

The joy overcame the fear that I had moments before, the disgust slowly dissolving and each part of me vanishing.

It seemed to me a wonderful way to die, as the grip of myself tightened around my neck. I was aware of this moments ago, when my eyes darted down for a milisecond.

Maybe I had tightened the grip on myself, to not let go, too hard when maybe, someone else was holding me. Maybe, I had been killing myself and I didn't know it. It made sense, after all.

There was a moment of complete silence, and my body gave up, and I fell into nothingness, the only thing that awaited me.

The only thought that I could hold onto was, this was a such a beautiful way to die, worthy of a hypocrite soul.