The Catharsis

Chapter 1 - Small Bump

1988

By Amethyst Turner

I was born with blue eyes

That turned dismal gray

I came out with gold hair

That grew limp right away

I was born with a smile

That was ripped off my face

And robbed of good time

That I could not replace

XXX

Libby Miller was a petite woman with bony arms and legs and a pointy little face that was usually contorted into some sour expression. On the day of her daughter's birth, that did not change. Even when the child was presented to her, a little pink mass bundled in white, she did not smile or cry or even sigh in relief that the long labor was over. She simply looked the baby over and handed it back to the nurse, saying she wanted to rest.

She was no more than twenty five, but appeared much older. Years of smoking and frowning and late nights had left a wear on her face. After seven hours of labor, she thought she must look older than ever.

The hospital had not supplied her with a mirror, so she had no way of knowing that at the moment she looked exactly like she should: a tired woman with a mountain of stress on her shoulders.

More than anything, Libby wanted a cigarette to calm her nerves. She didn't want to rock her baby or to nurse it, she only wanted to feel the smoke curling in and out of her lungs, the rhythmic pattern that had calmed her for so many years.

Where was Richard, she wondered. What was he doing that was more important than the birth of his baby?

Richard didn't like children, she knew that. He didn't like most things, aside from his beer and his poker. She had told him that he would have to stop drinking if they were going to have a family. He just reminded her that he had never wanted a family in the first place.

Libby sighed, letting her head fall back on the pillow. This was not where she wanted to be. It wasn't even that she didn't want to be a mother. She loved children. What she hated about the situation was this child.

Any other baby in the world would have been amazing. She would have held it in her arms, smiled and watched it wrap it's tiny fingers around her thumb. She would have loved it instantly, this she knew.

But this child. This child was a combination of the two people she hated most in the world. She didn't want it. She didn't want to look at it, hold it, acknowledge that it had indeed come out of her. She wanted it gone.

There was nothing that could be done now. An abortion was no longer an option and neither was cold blooded murder. So the only thing left for Libby to do was sit in the delivery room and cry.

XXX

Richard was waiting at the kitchen table when she opened the door. Libby didn't look at him as she set down her bag and walked past into the kitchen.

"So that's her?" he asked. The baby kept quiet in the carrier as she set it on the counter. Richard stood up behind her and reached into the carrier.