doors; yoongi

five

25th may

9:15pm

kicki actually felt like her head was about to explode. her shoulders and neck were cramped from hunching over this god damn book in her kitchen for over an hour and her hand hurt from flipping the dumb pages probably a thousand times because she just couldn't focus. and this was her fault because she just had to procrastinate and ruin her own life.

not even an open window or a cup of tea next to a extra large coffee helped her clear her mind and focus on the text in front of her as she continuously found herself dozing off, not even slightly processing the words her eyes ran over.

with a groan, kicki leaned back in the chair, pushing the book away from her and draping an arm over her face. it's probably been three hours since she decided to sit down and finally get done with this, convincing herself that it won't take long, she'll be done sooner than she thinks. but with her mind occupied with other thoughts and her attention span close to nonexistent, she barely went over the first few pages.

the dishes, once again, were piled up and she needed to get that done or it will become really nasty. she also needed to vacuum her room. and there's a really good book that she bought and it was always silently staring at her from the shelf, nudging her to just read it. and on top of that she needed to give back the jacket her friend let her borrow.

and all of those thoughts kept swirling through kicki's brain, some new ones coming up along them. and, subconsciously, all of those small, insignificant thoughts were only made up in her brain to keep her from focusing on the one that was always there.

the one with pale, soft skin that looked as if it was silk instead of flesh. the one with colored hair, still looking healthy and as if her hand would actually touch feathers if she decided to run them through it, despite the damage it went through. the one with voice so hoarse and strong but calm and gentle. the one who hugged her and she felt like everything in the world was okay for that short moment. the one who had the ability to say everything he wanted with just a few words. the one who had a genuine smile, so wide that the gums could be seen and teeth would flash a blinding white. the one with soft and warm dark eyes that made kicki feel like she was getting lost. the ones that would light up, sparkle, hold so much intensity whenever he would look at her. like those looks were reserved just for her.

but kicki wasn't her.

and kicki didn't want to be consumed by these thoughts. not in the middle of the night when she was trying to study, not when she was hanging out with her friends, not when she was brushing her teeth in the morning or was just laying around with nothing to do.

because the more she thought about it, him, the more it was obvious how stupid it was. just barely a few months ago, they would cross paths without even knowing that the other one existed. and now kicki was too aware of him. it was absurd in her opinion, the way she thought of him. he was just a boy who needed a place to stay when he would get in a fight with his girlfriend.

kicki didn't know much about him. she didn't know where he actually lived, if he went to school. she didn't know about his childhood or hobbies or what he preferred for breakfast. she didn't know what his favorite color was or if he had a job.

the only thing she knew for sure was that he was in love with yeeun.

and like every other relationship, they have their rocky path but they are still walking across it, despite the difficulties. they still look at each other like the other person holds the whole universe.

it was amazing actually. kicki never thought that someone out of someone else's relationship would be able to feel the love within that relationship.

and that exactly was the reason she needed to get the stupid, out of reach thoughts out of her head because if she doesn't do it now, it can only get worse from here.

because she knew that she wouldn't be able to just close the door in his face or pass by him the next time something happens.

she always thought that there was no way a person could be so influenced by someone they knew for less than a year. but yoongi was something completely different. it seemed like he was able to radiate a certain energy, making kicki feel something she's never quite felt before.

he wasn't extraordinary, quite the opposite. when he was not in the mood, he didn't try to mask it, when he had something to say and wanted to say it, he would. when he got in a fight with yeeun, he would keep quiet but there would always be a guilty expression on his face. or he would talk, desperately trying to find a way to fix the situation. he was so painfully ordinary but in his own way and maybe that was the reason kicki wanted to know more.

she wanted to explore yoongi's thoughts, to know what he's thinking about while frowning or what funny remark is going through his head while he laughs all of a sudden, just shaking his head at her confused look. she wanted to listen to him talk. about anything really. she didn't mind the monotone voice, it was actually calming.

kicki placed her empty cup of tea on the table with a loud thud, pulling the sleeves of her shirt up and tying her hair in a ponytail as she got up and moved over to the kitchen sink, messily sorting through the dishes and turning on the water. she focused on repeating the content she read in her head as she harshly scribbled the dishes, hoping that once she's done with this she'll be able to study.

she actually ended up vacuuming her room too.

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here, have me pining after yoongi in 1K+ words :))))