How to Self Harm (A Noelian)

Using people can hurt them if not clarified

They'd had sex three times already when Noel decided he'd had enough. They'd met up five times since they'd met, and had sex on four of them. Noel loved it, as did Julian. They'd kind of connected in a strange way, despite the age difference. They had a lot in common, mostly self destructive personalities and habits. Julian would be lying if he wasn't using Noel as a way of undoing himself. Using the young boy's beauty and stamina to create paranoia, to break rules, and keep himself up at night worrying. He was feeling strange protective feelings for him, strange almost loving feelings, affectionate feelings, like he wanted to (and this was extreme) maybe even only sleep with Noel. His heart rate increased at the thought if him, and not only because of the usual nudity of the figure in his thoughts.
"I'm glad I met you," Noel said as he moved closer into Julian's chest.
"I'm glad I met you too."
"I better go soon, though."
"How come?"
"Got a date tonight."
"A date?" Julian asked freezing up.
"Yeah. He seems nice."
"Does he know about me?"
"Of course not. No one does. He know nothing. He didn't even know about my arms."
Julian looked at the scars littering the pale skin on Noel's inner arm. They'd become less fresh. Julian was quite pleased to recognise that sometimes Noel didn't cut between their meetings. He liked to think he'd caused that, considering Noel told him he used to cut most nights. He ran a hand over the sensitive skin. "When will you tell him?"
"Depends if it's serious. I'll tell him about it all at once. Ill let him know about it on the day I tell you we have to stop. And I don't plan on letting that happen. I like using you... being used by you..."
Julian smiled, but it felt fake. It was fake. This wasn't what he wanted, after all.