How to Self Harm (A Noelian)

Recovery is at best a distant dream.

Noel found himself tearing at his skin again. He'd broken if off with the guy and not seen Julian in three weeks and four days. He wasn't sure why he was so upset by Julian being absent from his life. Sure, he had a crush in the man, of course he had. He had from the start of it all. Why else would he let Julian fuck him, and fuck Julian in return? But Julian just another filthy habit, another thing to hurt him with, not something to care about. He didn't know why he reacted like he did. He'd been dating people, planning on sleeping with people, so why couldn't Julian do the same? Julian was so much more knowledgeable. He knew himself, as well as the world, and how both of them constantly let people down. Noel had been warned. Julian had let him know that he was a dangerous game to play, a dangerous game to be invested in. Noel hadn't thought twice about risking it and rolling the dice, rolling his hips into Julian's, kissing the older man's neck. Now...he missed him. A lot.

Julian hadn't had sex for almost four weeks. Not since this girl and Noel, and that hadn't exactly been a successful night. He missed Noel terribly, and wanted him back. He should have said something to Noel when he had the chance. Because he really cared about the boy. He knew he did, had know from the start. Unfortunately, he had no idea where he would find Noel to apologise, and the little man didn't seem to want to answer his calls. He'd called countless times. This was so painful, not least because Julian guessed he was an addict, and a good (or even a terrible) fuck was his drug. He'd been smoking more drinking more, and nothing was filling the void. He needed Noel back.