Here I Am

The Heart What It Wants

Ben pov

I woke up to a soft *Beep * sound coming from the heart monitor. Trying to remember what had happen to me. I don't remember anything only just remember the razor cutting deep into me feeling warm spread through my body.

I saw someone laying beside the bed . Holding my hand. How long have they been here who are they ? I suddenly remember the tattoos on his arm denis ? Slowly waking up from his sleep his eyes were wide he let go of my hand. Swifly walking out the door.

My heart couldn't take it anymore I wanted to be with Denis but I just don't think he feels the same way. Suddenly remembering that he is dating Dasha my heart sinking. I fucked up and there is nothing I can do about it.

The door open as my band mates walking through the door trying to pull on a fake smile hiding my pain. Oh my god we thought that you would never wake up Cameron saying coming closer to my bed . Sitting down where Denis was sitting wating for me to wake up

Where is Sam and james? " They went out drinking couple of days ago he is still pretty hung over " . How long was I passes out for ? " 2 days you cut pretty deep why would you do that ? Cameron looked like he hasn't slept at all

Looking down I could feel the tear falling from my face. Because I fucked up with someone who I wanted to be. My vision has become blurry I couldn't stop crying . Cameron got up hugging me trying to make me feel better .

Can I be alone for a while? Oh yeah someone wanted to talk to you. Umm okay I told Cameron watching him walk out the door. My heart stop beating when I saw him walking thought the door. "What did he want to talk about"

He sat down on the chair that was placed next to my bed looking me straight in the eyes my heart started beating faster. We need to talk about what happen that night " Trying to remember what he was talking about... This kiss.

Okay I say with a shakey voice " look I like you I can't hid it anymore even if you don't feel the same way that's okay". I feel the same way but I was way to confused I thought he had a girlfriend that's what he made everyone else think.

But you have a girlfriend I said with jealously in my voice studying Denis face look of confusion all over his face. " Girlfriend what do you mean girlfriend " . Denis knew what I was talking about he was playing stupid ". Denis you know exactly what I'm talking about stop playing stupid anger started to rise in me.

I could tell Denis was getting mad by the look he had on his face. "Ben I don't know what the hell your talking about. " He said his deep Ukraine voice getting deeper. Oh really don't remember " oh this is my girlfriend dasha can she come and tour with us for a couple of weekd " I quoted Denis trying to do imitate his voice

I looked up to him seeing his blank face he knew exactly what I was talking about. "Ben when I said dasha was my girlfriend I ment my best friend she has been there for me when I first came out. She was there through kindergarten and high school she's not my fucking girlfriend "

I felt bad I really liked him and I thought that he was dating dasha. I'm sorry... I wisper suddenly the door open. " Mr bruce ? " sup doc I say not even trying to polite. "We need to talk about a few things do you mind if you leave for alone"

"I was leaving anyways"

Denis pov

I can't believe Ben I kissed him in that night because I really did love him I'm not in a relationship with Dasha. Why would he think that I was dating her I only like him. I started shaking I couldn't think straight I sit in waiting room. Staring at the floor letting the tears finally fall.
"Hey what's wrong " asked Cameron I'm just so stressed out and I really want to fix things between me and Denis. "What happen between you two". I told him everything about him leaving Ciara and the drunk night kiss we had. "Wow mate I think that you two really need to this out trust me it's worth it."
The doctor left the room I walked into the room. Ben I want to be with you I can't take not being without you anymore. That kiss ment something to me that night. I stepped closer to him holding his hand lust in his eyes "shut up and kiss me " Ben whispered " slowly leaning down and pressing my lips sofly agisnt his