omg phan

mochacha real smooth

Do you know that little tinkling bell that some stores have that rings when you walk in? It was like that,  but with cats. Lots of cats. Like, a TON of cats.

I walk up to the counter only to see no one is there. "Heloooo?" I call out, my stomach rumbling. The place looks pretty run down and all the furniture is scratched to the bone.

Suddenly, I hear a loud screech as an angry cat comes tumbling down something that looks like a trash shoot. Looking pretty frazzled, the cat looks at us and asks in a voice identical to Morgan Freeman, "wassup biotch what's yo fuckin order ya feel?"

I was shocked to hear that voice again. "Alex?!?!" He went to college with me and was my only friend for a long period of my life. It's not sad I swear.. "You're a cat now?!?" I asked.

"Duh, are you mothafuckin stupid? This is my home now. These are my peeps. Now order somethin' or scram," he hissed.

I didn't remember a lot about Alex, he's quite mysterious and a loner, but one thing I know for sure is that he hated cats. Though he was a shape shifting mad scientist, this was unusual even for him. 

"Alrighty then. Well, I'll have a catpuccino ;))))))" ba dum tsss (this is where the laugh track from Disney channel plays)

As he was making my coffee I noticed something strange about this place. I looked around only to have my striking blue eye land on a peculiar picture. In the back was a college of Dan and Phil. Shocked, I walked up to it and observed the images.

"No....it can't be.... not here" I murmured as I analyzed the images. One was of them standing in a park filled with cherry blossoms. Another was them sharing tea and crumpets.  "Phan.... it has infected cat cafes also?" With a surge of hot, white, boiling rage I ripped the photos of the wall and stomped on them for good measure. "NO. NO MORE PHANNNN. DON'T CRAFT, CRYYYYYY!!1!1!1!1!!!" was it because I wasn't British? Was it because my fringe wasn't long enough? My heelys not cool enough?

Dan, hearing the commotion came in and was horrified at what I had done.

"I was going to tell you guac, I really was.." he told me touching my avocado hair.

Oh, his touch made me feel something tingly inside. I licked my lips and swung my hips and all I had to say was,

"AFTER ALL THIS TIME?!??!!!2?1?!1"

"Always."

I knew what I had to do. I had to be the bigger person and confront the real issue. I was going to see Phil. Knock knock.

Here comes justice!