omg phan

meow guacy

To enter the spirit realm is a relatively easy process. First, you must keep a Phoenix feather in your left shoe and hold an iPod playing the holy "Sweatshirt" by Jacorn Salamander (buy it on iTunes pls he needs money even tho he's like 9) Next, you must stand in formation like you are about to battle the elite four.  You also need to have on a red 2003 Juicy Couture velvet tracksuit. Last you must chant, "Salamander snek with twinkies on top" five and a half times.

We did it and soon we were in the spirit realm. Dan had a look of bewilderment on his face. That fool. He thinks he can take me in my own realm? "Later," I murmured to myself. We floated along the makeshift road in an attempt to find my bank containing the socks. The problem was, I have the memory of a goldfish and couldn't remember where the bank was.

Then I saw my marker! It was my Copic R89 that I lost five years ago!!!!1!1!! I shrieked like a injured velociraptor and picked it up.

"How do you know it's yours? There could be millions of people with that exact marker!" Dan asked.

Heh. The idiot inside him was begging to come out. Good thing he was hawt af, or else he would be lost in todays society. Like, he doesn't even have 3 PhDs!! And before all of you phangirls get offended, I have 9 PhDs and 17.34 abs sooooo ya. "It has the washi tape I put on the cap five years ago! I saw it in a DIY"

We kept walking along the lonely road, it was the only one that  had ever known. Then, out of nowhere, a neon maroon sign came up, beckoning us to follow it into the mysterious shack its small yellow arrow was pointing to. It said, "The kitty catty cafe." It seemed like my kind of place.

I begged Dan to let us go in to stop for a latte.

"no guacy!! the only reason I came here with you is because I want my socks back! I don't care about the spirit realm or sweatshirt or your Copic markers!! I just want my socks and I want to go back home!!! To my tumblr and my Phi- I mean Pho!!"

By this point he was crying. His beautiful, spicy tears hit the floor like an avalanche in my heart. I looked away but I could still hear him sniffling. "Oh woman up! I'm not going home and you can't leave without me. I'll get you your socks if you let me grab a coffee first. Deal?" I told him.

"I guess" he said unenthusiastically.

I pulled open the door to the cafe and was immediately confronted with the meows of 593.78 cats.

Things were about to get saucy.