For the Ones We Love (Merlin Fan Fiction)

Chapter Twenty

“Merlin,” I whispered, hunching over. I twisted my fingers into Stella’s mane and avoided looking over my shoulder at him. “Please don’t lie to me.” His thoughts were practically pulsing out of him, they were so strong. I caught glimpses of a girl—a dirty and  scared-looking, but beautiful girl—and I tried to close off my mind. His thoughts were private. I had no right to intrude.

“Freya is no one, Cleo,” Merlin replied. “Not anymore.”

I felt emotions pulsing off of him like tidal waves. Emotions that he felt for that girl. I wondered if he’d ever felt like that for me. Had he? A sickening feeling washed over me. I suddenly felt out of place. How could I ever be loved like that? I wasn’t that type of person. I would never be loved.

“What happened to her?” I asked. A pang of sorrow stabbed through his heart into mine. I glanced back at him. The faraway look on his face told me what I hadn’t wanted to know.

She had died. 

But how? I stubbornly put up a mental wall between us. I didn’t want to know anymore.  “I need to get back to camp,” I murmured. I slipped off Stella’s back. “You take Stella and I’ll walk.” I met Merlin’s eyes and felt a stab of guilt when I saw how troubled he was.

He slipped down after me and took my hand.

I tensed. I hadn’t realized how long it had been since affection for me had been shown.

Unfortunately, Merlin felt me tense and smiled sadly. “Maybe it’s been longer than I realized,” he murmured.  He looked down at our hands before letting mine go. He turned and climbed back onto Stella.

Take him safely, I ordered.

Stella nodded and galloped off, Merlin on her back.

It was dark by the time I got back to camp. 

I found Mordred sitting near the edge of the clearing in the center of camp. The light from the fire made his eyes shine like stars. He stared off into the distance, the bowl of stew in his hand forgotten.

I sat down next to him without saying a word. He looked at me and silently handed me his bowl. I lifted an eyebrow, but he gestured for me to eat it. I obliged hesitantly.

We sat silently, our elbows brushing every once in a while as we watched the others interact. We did this most nights while we ate, but tonight it felt different. Mordred seemed… closed off to me. I glanced at him and he felt my movement and gazed back.

“You went to Camelot, didn’t you?” I asked softly. “Last year?” I lowered my head, but kept my eyes locked on his. When he didn’t answer, I raised my eyebrows.

Finally, Mordred nodded. “But you can’t ask why. Please.”

“That’s when you met Merlin?”

Mordred shook his head. “No, it was before that, but it’s a long story.”

“I have time.” I finished the last of Mordred’s leftover dinner and set the bowl down.

“But I don’t.” He sighed. “I have something I have to do. I’ll talk to you later.” He pushed himself off the ground and walked away, leaves sticking to the back of his cloak.

I leaned back and sighed, agitated with myself. Everything was going wrong. I caught the eyes of a few druids passing by. They all forced smiles and continued walking.

You can’t keep running from me.

I looked around, trying to figure out where the voice was coming from. Then I realized it was Talon. I felt him sifting through my thoughts. I didn’t try to stop him only because I was too tired to put up any walls.

I felt him laugh when he found my memory of Merlin’s hand in mine. Ah, young love, he mocked. You know, love is a powerful thing. It can make people do strange things.

I grimaced. Why are you doing this?

You made me a promise and I expect you to keep it.

I thought you knew me better than that, I retorted. I never keep my promises. The more I thought about it, the more I knew it was true.

And I thought you knew me better. Talon paused, most likely for no reason other than dramatic effect. I will make you keep your promise. 

I closed my eyes, feeling utterly helpless. I decided then, that I had to get away from Talon. I had to get as far away as I could.

Don’t bother, he interjected. I will always find you. Always. You, and the ones you love, are never safe. I can feel myself getting stronger, thanks to your young friend. What’s his name? Mordred, is it?

I felt my eyes widen in response to the terror I felt. What did he mean?

Talon took that as an answer. Yes… Mordred. I suppose he’s no longer safe either.

I could no longer sit in that spot. I stood and walked to my tent. Against the opposite wall sat the books I had been reading for Agrona.

Agrona is no reason to stay, Talon whispered. Your healer can most definitely take care of one simple child birth. Besides, if you are here to the deliver the child, it means you were not in Camelot to kill the king and his son. And if the Pendragons are not dead by the time he is born, his, and his mother’s, deaths will be imminent.

I choked back a sob before walking across to the books and picking them up. After dropping them just inside Healer’s tent, I glanced up at Talon’s dormant body.

I could just kill you, I pondered.

The druids would never let you. And if you did, they would never let you stay. Not even they would accept you unconditionally.

I could go to Camelot with Merlin.

Talon scoffed. If the druids won’t take you in, how can you expect anyone to ever, ever take you in again?

I could return to Ealdor. Hunith would let me stay.

You’ll be marked, he reminded me. Bounty hunters will catch you before you get there. Your only  choice is to follow my directions.

I turned quickly and stormed out of the tent. I then went to talk to Iseldir. When I walked through the open flaps that made the entrance, I found the druid leader talking to Merlin.

They both turned to face me, each looking expectant.

“Yes, Cleo?” Iseldir asked.

My eyes darted from the druid to Merlin and back again. “Merlin and I,” I began before taking a breath, “are leaving for Camelot in the morning.”

Merlin seemed startled, but Iseldir was not fazed. He nodded once. “I assume we are the first to know?” he replied.

I nodded. “I plan to tell Healer and say goodbye to Mordred, but the other’s will just have to find out.” I shifted my feet. “Unless you plan to tell them.”

Iseldir blinked and said nothing.

Merlin took a step forward. “Have I no say in this?” he asked.

I shifted my gaze to meet his eyes. “There’s no say to have, Merlin,” I murmured. “We leave before sunrise.” I turned and walked out of the tent.

I heard Merlin start to walk after me, but something stopped him. I couldn’t help glancing back. When I did, I saw Merlin watching me. Iseldir had a hand on his shoulder, keeping him from walking any farther.

When our eyes met, he smiled. I tried to smile back, but failed horribly.

Next thing I knew, I was in my tent, packing my things into leather packs and saddlebags.