For the Ones We Love (Merlin Fan Fiction)

Chapter Twenty-Nine

The guards found me hovering over William’s body, the shed aflame behind me. I was not surprised when they arrested me. I was guilty this time after all.

I sat alone in a cold, dark cell. This time no one brought food or light or company. I did not sleep that night. I couldn’t. I was a murderer and I did not deserve rest.

In the morning, my mind wandered purposelessly around the castle, latching on to the minds of others. I found a few knights from whom I discovered the funeral held in honor of William the night before. I did not find Gracian, though I did find Merlin. He was in the courtroom once more with the King, the Prince, Morgana, and all the advisors.

I watched the meeting take place from the eyes of a man I’d never seen before.

“Exile will no longer suit her, Father!” Arthur was saying to the king. “She has murdered one of our own and she must die!”

Merlin stood. “But do you truly have any proof he died of her hand?” Merlin asked. “Should we not hear her side of the story?”

“Merlin, sit down!” Gaius hissed.

“We have witnesses, Merlin!” Arthur retorted. “Witnesses who claim she and Sir William were the only ones in the shed!”

“You have one witness!” Merlin corrected. “And even if his account his true, we do not know that the fire and William’s death were not accidents!”

“What else would have happened, Merlin? What else could have happened?”

“Enough!” Uther intervened. “Merlin, if you do not wish to be excused as you were last night, I suggest you sit down.”

“Cleo?”

I was suddenly shaken back to reality when I realized Gracian was standing in front of my cell. I looked up to see he had a tray of food in his hands for me.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

I did not answer. I didn’t know how to. Of course I wasn’t okay, but of course I couldn’t tell this young boy that.

“Did you really kill him?” he asked.

Again I didn’t know how to tell him the truth so again, I said nothing.

“Is that what you were leaving to do? Was that your reason for saying goodbye?”

Finally I shook my head. “William was not supposed to die,” I whispered.

“Then who was?” Gracian asked. “Was your brother truly in trouble or was that just another lie? Has everything from your mouth just been a lie? Did you really expect to come back?”

“I did,” I told him. “If I lived.”

Gracian shook his head. “Well now you will not!” He dropped the tray just outside the cell and ran away.

I knew Arthur would get his way. I knew I would not live. At least I knew Merlin, Gwaine, Mordred, and even Gracian—although he hated me—would be safe. My task had finally been accomplished, but William had taken my place in death and thus I too would die. 

I began to wonder where Merlin was for the first time that afternoon as I stood at the window, watching them build the gallows. Stella sat on the bed in the form of a mouse. She had not said anything to me, nor I to her. The fact about our bond was that when I died, she would die with me. I was her life force.

I’m sorry. I looked at Stella as I said it, but I honestly meant it for Merlin.

He appeared a few minutes later, standing where Gracian had stood.

“You didn’t touch your food,” Merlin said.

I searched his eyes. “What’s the point of eating?” I asked. “I’ll be dead within the day anyway.”

Merlin said nothing.

“I heard what you said in the courtroom. Thank you for defending me.”

“Don’t,” Merlin replied. “Don’t thank me. I only said what I did in the interest of fairness.” He looked at me as he had never looked at me before. Not as a friend nor as a stranger but as an enemy. “I trusted you, Cleo.”

“Merlin,” I whispered. I tasted defeat in my voice as I spoke his name. “I didn’t mean to… It was an accident.”

“How? How could it have been an accident, Cleo? I saw his wounds. I know what happened. I know what you did.”

I stepped closer, wrapping my hands around the iron bars. “Why don’t you trust me?” I asked.

“Have you given me any reason to?” he countered.

I looked at him and I knew this would be the last I saw of him. This defeated, angry face on the gentle and kind man I had fallen in love with. I stared into his eyes as I entered his mind. Inside, he was not as charming and gracious as he was outside. His thoughts were filled with worry, thoughts of destruction and pain. One by one, I flipped memories. I did not know what I was looking for or if I was even looking for something. When I reached one containing a painfully familiar, yet simultaneously unfamiliar face, I drew back.

“Gwaine’s here?” I asked

Merlin nodded.

“Please do not let him see.”

Merlin said nothing.

I’m sorry.

“It’s too late,” Merlin whispered. He kneeled down to pick something off the tray Gracian had dropped earlier. “Here.” He thrust his arm between the bars to hand me my necklace.

I took it from him hesitantly, tentatively.

“Goodbye,” Merlin said.

“Goodbye, Merlin,” I echoed, choking on the words. I watched as he turned and walked steadily down the corridor, never once looking back. “I love you,” I whispered aloud, but it was too late. Merlin was gone.