Whatever Happened To Normal?

Chapter 20:

It is tough being a guy who is used to being lonely, that finding someone who is infatuated with you can be unnerving at times. Daryl never meant to have feelings for Beth. He never meant to worry about her, think about her day and night, and come to her rescue whether she called him or not. No, Daryl thought his life was meant to be free and simple- women only complicate matters. This whole baby thing, though tragic and painful, is still quite a pain in his ass because his wagon is still attached to Beth's. It's not that he doesn't like her, she's very beautiful, smart, and kind- it's just, he doesn't want to really be with her any more. True, he said all that stuff about caring for her and how jealous he was of Rick, but the more he thinks about it, it's the whole 'grass is greener on the other side' type of deal. He really just wanted what Rick had because he thought it would make him happy. But the more he's with Beth now, the more he realizes he just can't be happy- only loneliness makes him truly happy. How does he tell her that? Especially when he promised her a baby- his life is going to be miserable with this woman.

***

Waking up, her bed beside her is empty. Her house is dead silent besides the hum of flowing electricity. She doesn't feel too sick today, but her head is still hot. Yesterday took its toll on her. She was way too upset to even really remember what happened. All she knows is Daryl came to her rescue and promised her a baby. Getting out of bed, she goes to the kitchen, expecting him to be there possibly making breakfast and being all sweet. But he isn't. Going to the living room, she hopes he's in their watching tv or reading the paper. But he isn't. Lastly she checks the bathroom, praying he's taking a shower and awaiting her to join him.

But he isn't.

Furrowing her eyebrows, her frown grows heavy and her chest rises rapidly. Sitting on the floor by the bathtub, she just feels her whole body collapse and the sadness in her body grow and spread. Before she wouldn't say she was depressed. She would say she was just sad. Today she is accepting the fact that she wants to just curl up and die. Her sadness has turned into a flaming depression that she was trying so hard to keep at bay. Finally, it is unleashed.

The whole room seems to be dull and gray. Her body is shrinking into the foundation until she can not be recognized amongst the furniture. She has given up on herself. She has given up on Daryl, who seems to take four steps forward and a hundred steps back. He never made her feel truly loved, it was all a facade, a bit, a chance to act like a decent human being- which he obviously isn't. She thought maybe he would want her now that he spent so much time making her feel better. She thought he would be taken by her and insist once more that they start something. But that isn't Daryl. He doesn't love unconditionally...not even conditionally. He doesn't love anything or anyone. Why would she think he would change for her?  She's foolish. Naïve. Stupid. She's just another dead girl.

***

He panicked last night. He panicked and fled from her home. How could he promise her a baby and be tied down?

Sitting in his apartment, he feels as if his heart is racing and the walls are closing in on him. He isn't made to be a father or a husband. He isn't meant to own a house, minivan, and support a family. Over his dead body is he going to do that. Over his dead body, is he going to waste his already sad pathetic life on someone else's. No thank you, he wants none of that. The couch beneath him cushions his body and cradles him in his psychosis.

His phone rings, and he expects it to be her, but it isn't. It's Merle. Sighing, he picks up his phone to his older brother.

"Bout damn time ya pick up." He huffs and Daryl rolls his eyes. He and Merle never really got along as kids. With all the shit that went on in his day to day life with their father- both made it a point to avoid each other after they became adults and separated. The last month an a half Merle had been calling, but Daryl was running himself ragged with Beth that he didn't pay the constant ringing any mind.

"Been busy. What's up?"

"I'm gettin' hitched in a few days and I need ya ta be my best man."

"Can't ya just get someone else to do it?" He grumbles and rubs his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Nah, yer the only guy I'd want standin' next to me on my big day." His accent is thicker than Daryl's and it reminds him of their father's voice. It's torture.

"Where is it?" Up in Tennessee. Nashville. I know it's a long haul for ya, but..."

No. This is perfect. He needs to get away from Beth anyway, so why not help his asshole brother get married?

"Alright. I'll come." He pretends to sound less enthused than he actually is. He doesn't want to sound like a loser who is looking for something to do. All he needs is to avoid phone calls from Beth and he should be fine. He doesn't want to explain to her that he made a big mistake. That just doesn't sound polite...because it isn't.

"Great! I'll see ya when ya get in. I'll email ya all the directions and venues." They hang up and Daryl tosses his phone to the other end of the couch.  He needs a breather. He needs to relax and not think about Beth, or babies, or anything for that matter.

Better yet he needs to get the hell out of dodge.