Whatever Happened To Normal?

Chapter 26:

So it wasn't perfect, their coming back together that is. Maybe they didn't quite understand that yelling and screaming at each other wasn't the best expression of their feelings, but hey, it got them to this moment.

Sitting in her arm chair with Jaxon and Wyatt in her arms, she just tries to contain her sadness. She didn't know about their little sister who had passed. She wishes she would have known- to at least have been able to love her while she could have. But now her love seems spoiled. She doesn't see the twins as wonderful adorable babies. She just stares at them, trying to find something she likes about them, something she could bond with. But there's nothing there for her to grasp onto.

Coming through the door, Daryl has his hands full of  groceries and a bag of Dunkin' Donuts in his mouth. He places the bags in the kitchen and goes to Beth and the boys with an exhausted smile on his face.

"Hey..." Leaning down he kisses the boys heads and then Beth's lips. "How ya feeling?"

"Sore...tired...sad." She starts crying and Daryl just scoops up Jaxon in his red onesie and holds him gain at his chest.

"I'm sorry hon. Hey, why don't we go lay down for a bit." Beth nods her head and she slowly stands up in pain and the take the babies to the nursery and lay them down. "Sweet dreams babies."

Wrapping an arm around her waist, He slowly guides her to their room. When they get there, he lays her down and crawls under the blankets behind her. He knows she has Postpartum Depression from everything that happened. She's lethargic, goes through crying fits, and she doesn't seem to be connecting with the twins no matter how long she holds them and goes through the motions. He feels terrible for her. He wishes she would just be over joyed and ecstatic as she once was.

"Daryl..."

"Yeah?" He rubs her hip and holds her close to his body.

"I don't feel it."

"Feel what?"

"I...I don't love my babies...." She begins to cry and Daryl just bites his tongue.

"Baby, you just aren't yerself right now. You went through something traumatic. It's understandable."

"I hate looking at them...." Shit.

"Beth...you don't want to hurt the babies...do you?"

"I just don't want them any more. I don't want to be here any more Daryl..." Well, this isn't what Daryl wanted to hear. Yes, it does happen, but now it seems that he is fearful for the twins and for Beth. "I'm not crazy...I just don't feel any joy of being a mother like I thought I would."

"Well...why don't you take a vacation? Ya know just get away from the boys for a while, reconnect with the old Beth and relax."

"Maybe yer right. Maybe I just need a small vacation to get my mind off everything."

"Yeah. First thing in the morning we'll find you a resort ofrsomething. You can even take Maggie- spend some time with her. Ya haven't seen her in a while." He wants to send someone with her, especially if she's like this. The last thing he needs is her to bed repressed and hurt herself again or worse, kill herself.

***

He talked to Maggie later that evening and even she was worried for her sister. She immediately agreed to going away with Beth, so Daryl started packing for her while Maggie made arrangements.
The whole night made him jittery as he stayed up to take care of the twins. He just wants to figure out this Postpartum depression thing out so he can make it better for Beth. After all, she was the one who wanted the babies in the first place- not Daryl. He still has that gross feeling in his gut when he's around them. He's not meant to be a dad- he knows that. He can never take care of these boys the way he's supposed to - he'll always fail in some way.

So as he kisses Beth's head and packs up the last bag in the car, he waves to her and Maggie as they drive down the road. His heart pounds as he looks back at the house where Glenn stands in the window waving with one of the boys in his arms. It's not ideal having him here telling Daryl how to do everything, but since he already has a kid of his own, Daryl is hoping it will rub off on him. Then again, he's doesn't even know if Glenn is a good dad.

Heading inside, he finds Glenn swaying back and forth as the lil boy in his arms wails.

"So, are you ready for this?" Glenn asks as he walks passed Daryl. "Twins are complicated."

"I don't know. Aren't Chinese people supposed to get rid of one baby?"

"Ha. I'm Korean....anyway which is Wyatt and which is Jaxon? I never met the little tykes." Suddenly it hits Daryl that both boys look exactly alike and he never really examined either and placed a name to them. "You don't even know, do you?"

"Shit! I suck at this!"

"Calm down. What were gonna do is go have them finger printed again and they'll identify them and then we can just tag them or only put one in blue and the other in red."

"Maybe you do know what yer doing there Korean." Daryl claps him on the shoulder and Glenn kind of groans.

"Glenn will be just find...a little less racist a well. Come on." As Daryl starts walking to the door, Glenn grabs his arm and pulls him back. "Aren't you forgetting someone?"

"Right." Grabbing the baby, he carries him out to the car and they buckle them into the back of the van in their car seats. On their way to the hospital, Daryl feels the walls closing in and can already see his future as a failure of a father whether it's to these twins or his own.