I have been a mess for four years, I've cried and gotten no sleep. I'm drained, I miss him so god damn much. Why? Thats all I ask myself. Why? Why did we have to get in that stupid fight?
"Hey Sweetie, wanna get up and get some fresh air?"
"No, just let me be.."
"You've been like this for 7 months, now c'mon."
To bad she doesnt know that I've been like this for four years. She's a sweet girl and she means alot to me. With her here I've been able to get my mind off of him. I wish that he was here, so I could hold him, so I could kiss him.
I relutcantly got up. She takes my hand and kisses my forehead. "I love you, I really do."
"I love you too my sweet girl."
I dont, I really dont like saying that because I lie everytime I say it to her. I want to say I love you to him. Damn it, just damn it.
"Sweetie whats wrong, why dont you show any emotion?"
"I dont have an answer for you. I really don't."
We make it outside in the cool February air, I like the way it makes my body feel. The cool rush up my spine. My mind everytime leads to him. I need him, I can't take it anymore. I still have the letters he wrote, I just never had the courage to send one back, I just could not bare to tell him that I was sorry, I don't know why but I do, I do know why I'm a coward.
I release her hand and run back to the house and grab my car keys. Thats it im going to see him. I'm done being a coward. I grab that letter that has the address.
I'm going to see him, I am. No more of my hiding behind my selfish ways, I love him and I miss him. I get in the car as a fast as my legs would take me. I look at the address and race to him. When I get there I immediately ask for the head administrator of the place. As im waiting to talk to her, I realize where I have put him.
The way the patients were walking around, they way they're faces hung low, It was making me more depressed as I was. Oh god I hope he is still breathing, I hope that he still have that glimmer in eyes, the pep in his step, and oh his smile. The way he cheeks blush when he would tell an exciting story.
"Excuse me sir?"
"Yes?"
"I see you here for one of our more special cases?"
Why is he considered a 'more special case.... This is all my fault, I shouldn't have left him, I was the one that cheated and broke us, I didn't mean for it to happen, I was drunk. I know that's not an excuse, but it happened and he walked in on It. I told him he wasn't it anymore, that he wasn't doing what I wanted, he was slacking in places I needed it. I told him.... He... he was worthless to me.
"Sir. SIR"
"Sorry, may we talk about him be able to be released... if so I would prefer today."
"Well we'll have to talk over the paper work, and I will have to tell some of his incidents so you know what you'll be having to deal with when he is released."
My baby, I don't care what has happened, well I mean do. Its just god I want him out so bad, I need to be able to show the love that I didn't give him.
