Crimson Happiness (jisbon one shots)

First times

The first time Teresa Lisbon saw Patrick Jane, her breath caught in her throat. He was so breathtakingly beautiful and yet he was broken. He looked lost and yet he didn't appear to be searching for himself. He was searching for something he had lost. His arms were wrapped around himself as if trying to hold his very soul together. The first time Teresa Lisbon saw Patrick Jane, all she wanted to do was to reach out and comfort him.

The first time Patrick Jane saw Teresa Lisbon, he couldn't see anything. Everything was grey, colourless, dull, bland. His pain was numb. He couldn't feel. He didn't care. All he wanted was revenge. Revenge so he could feel again. Make up for his dead little girl, whom he had never been able to give the doll she had so much wanted, because he had been saving it for Christmas. It was still hidden under the wardrobe in the guestroom. If only he had given it to her, when she had first asked..... And Angela.... Gentle yet confident steps interrupt his painful thoughts. His eyes travelled slowly up to meet her face. He gasped quietly. Piercing green. The colour of emeralds or freshly dewed grass. The first time Patrick Jane saw Teresa Lisbon, colour came back into his life.

There were many first times when Lisbon realised she was in love with Jane. They were all first times because each time hit her just as hard, their impact making her feel rather as if a tonne of boulders had been dropped on her. But maybe the very first time she had realised it was when she and Jane had discovered a bomb in the back of a truck parked outside of CBI, with a man trapped inside. We only had ten seconds before the bomb blew up eliminating not just the man inside the van but both of us too if we didn't leave at that very second. I knew I should run but my feet wouldn't move! I was glued to my consultant who was risking his life for that of a stranger. Later, after the explosion when he told me he couldn't see and my heart squeezed in my chest in a way that it never had before. Now that I think on it, it must have been fear. Fear of losing him. The second time perhaps, was when he told me that he trusted me. I can still view the scene in my head, it was practically engraved in my memory. We had been leaning side by side against his little blue death trap of a car, eating fruit he'd bought for us from a nearby stall. This time my heart didn't squeeze itself inside my chest, it did little happy flips. The third time was when he had woken me up and there was a bomb strapped to my chest. and he didn't leave. He saved my life. This time my heart didn't flip or squeeze. It ached. Ached with the love I felt for this broken man who refused to leave me in the face of danger of his own life. Ached because I wanted him to leave and be safe but also wanted him to stay and hold me tight. Yes there were many moments when Teresa Lisbon realised she loved her partner. But to list them would take up page upon page so she would stop here.

The first time Patrick Jane realised he loved Teresa Lisbon, the truth did not hit him hard. It fell over him gently, rather like a warm blanket that made him feel happier than he had in years. It was not a single event that brought this on, rather a whole series of things that added continually to his deep attraction to her, till one day he realised he didn't just deeply care for Teresa Lisbon. He loved her. The truth made him warm and happy but also scared and guilty. He was scared of being denied her affection ad guilty. Oh so guilty. It had started from day one. Maybe it was the way he felt whenever she had a date or maybe it was the way her eyes sparkled when she laughed and flashed her dimple. Maybe it was the first time he could see again and all he saw was her face, illuminated and incandescent. Maybe it was the utter despair and shock he felt when she considered taking up a new job. Maybe it was the way she always had his back and held him when he fell. Either way, Patrick Jane knew that he could not recall the first moment he realised he loved his best friend but he sure as hell knew that he could never leave her again.