Loving Mr.Blue Eyes (EDITING MODE)

CHAPTER 49-'I'M SCARED.'

UNEDITED

ALICE P.O.V.

"I'm scared babe."  I breathe out. "I know you are, but let think positive." Austin comforting me. I'm really scared, i don't want to experience the joy that have take away in a split second from me  again.. I think to myself. "Here what, lets us stay in all day, we call room service and thing, lets just stay in the  whole day and relax and free up ourselves." Austin suggested. I smiled.. "Yeah Austin, deal."  "Excellent."  "Yh,well don't take it the wrong way but may i have few mins  by self please." 

Austin watched me with sympathy in his eyes. He hugged me tightly, inhale deeply in my hair and kissed my head. "Of cause,but remember it wasn't your fault." "Yeah." Was all i replied. Austin kissed me on the lips before leaving me alone in the room.

We were in Seattle Washington. Two more days before our honeymoon was over.. Austin and i have a great time together. We went on hikes,parties,clubbing,cook-outs,camping etc on our honeymoon. It was just epic,words alone can't explain it. But the only thing that was worrying me for a week now was,my period. It was two week over due. Any other night i won't be worrying over my period,but the night when we have mind blowing sex( don't get me wrong,we always have mind blowing sex,just that night really,truly was special), was  the night Austin didn't use any condoms, i was okay ok with it cause i was on pills. 

But when my period is two goddamn week over due, u'll understand. But the thing is,  that not the real reason why i'm so scared,the real reason is that i'm afraid i'll get another miscarriage. Guys, i can't go through that pain again,i laterally did  get a melt down. The pain is still living on today in me,i just learn how to scope with it at times,but when i take it on plenty i break down,the pain,hmm,i will never wish any one to lose their  unborn, child or they living child. 

MY baby was so close of coming into this world,when God just come and take her  away from me... Countless time i wanted to blame God,but i know that will be a terrible idea,so i blame my self, for not resting and doing the things a pregnant woman/mother should done..  Austin asked me if i wanted to take a test to make sure,i will always say no,cause,im afraid of the results, i want a child,i really do, in fact i truly think ill be a good mother,just im afraid God will take her again from me. There are so many scary thing in my head,when it comes down to that  one word.- pregnant-...

I needed time by myself to think,like to really thing this trough. I needed space.. I'm really scared. I take out my phone and called the inly person that could make me feel better- my mother.

"Mom" I said sounding so desperate

"Honey? Is everything ok?"

"Ma i think i'm pregnant."

"Oh, Honey, That's great news, if you are.."

"No ma...."  i busted into tears.

"No,no, Don't cry baby. Everything will be okay."

"M..Ma, im  so scared."

"I know you are baby,but i promise you,everything will be okay this time,sweety,don't worry."

"Ma,how could you promise me something,that u don't have full control over?"

"You're right darling, but my guts telling me, everything will work out this time."

"Oh mummy, i love you so very much" I continued to sob.

"Oh Ally,let me tell you something that i never tell you before."

"Ok."

"I have  lose two babies before you,darling."

"WHAT? I'm sorry."