Don't you remember?

September 19th: I'm Sorry!

She looks at us. I can't tell if she's happy, angry, or overwhelmed. She suddenly marches up to Bellamy rage bubbling in her icy eyes, and CLAP! she hits him across the face.

"You fucking left me!"She screams. He grabs his face staring at her tears welling in his eyes. I take a step back hoping I don't get hit. Tears fill her beautiful eyes and she wraps her arms around Bellamy. Sobbing. I feel the tightness in my chest release. I hold back my tears. Bellamy hugs her tightly letting silence fill the room. Not awkward silence, the kind of silence that makes everything seem at peace even for just a moment. She lets go of him staring at his face.

"You've gotten taller."She says with a small smile. I felt my heart twinge. She's still in there. Somewhere. She looks at me and waves of sadness hit me. I want to apologize. I want to tell her I regret never calling and never visiting. She walks over to me hugging me tightly.

"Thank you,"She whispers. She pulls away and looks suddenly confused."Why are you here?"

"Um, tomorrow it will have been five years,"I say my voice sullen and a bit hesitant.

"It's September?"She looks shocked."That doesn't help. Why are you here? What's going on?"

"I'd like to ask the same question,"I mumble looking at Bellamy.

"U-um, well, I want to get us back together. One last time to say goodbye, like we never did."Says Bellamy clutching his fists.

"Good luck with Jake and Lacey."Says Eliza her voice dripping with hate. She grabs at her bandages. Is that why?

"What do you mean?"Bellamy looks confused. I forgot he hasn't spoken to them since we were eleven.

"People change."I growl feel rage rising in my body. He has no idea what they've become.

"Do they? Lyra, Eliza, I need to do this. We need to do this!"He looks determined, but I see the same pain I see in both Eliza and my eyes. He's hiding it well.

"Why?"Eliza asks her voice breaking."He's gone, and you left, and I'm supposed to be dead."

I keep quiet clutching at the sleeves of my sweater. She wasn't the only one who considered death. Let alone the only one who acted upon it.

"I'm in."I whisper just barely audible.

"Then I am too."Sighs Eliza."Call my parents and get me the hell out of here."

We spend the next hour sitting at the bay window attempting to make small talk and failing miserably. Eliza hasn't heard from her parents since they dropped her off over a year ago. I remember them as sweet and caring; I guess I was wrong.

"Where were you?"Asks Eliza looking at Bellamy. He never told her?

"Ireland. Belfast Royal Academy."He says looking down at his hands."The place I always talked about. After what happened, they immediately accepted my application." She scoffs and looks away.

"Can we not fight?"I ask trying to keep the ever growing tension down."We've never fought."

"You mean the old us never fought? We were stupid little kids!"Eliza snaps. I try to stay calm. I'm starting to think this is a terrible idea. They're going to kill each other. What is Bellamy thinking?! A sinking feeling hits me. I get like this sometimes. When something reminds me of him, or when someone who is connected to him comes into my life. I try to remember the good times. I try to remember our summers and the nights we spent being kids. But sadly, the bad memories are the ones that come the easiest. The night we lost him is so clear, but the nights we spent in my backyard setting things on fire seems blurry. I covered my face with my hands trying to push the memories away. I'm not crying over this. I've cried enough. I try to think of good things, but a creeping coldness blocks all joy I've tried to conjure. Eliza and Bellamy are talking quietly ignoring me. Sometimes I begin to breathe insanely fast and I feel like the real world has been ripped out from under me. It happens a lot around this time of year. Everything feels like it's closing in around me. History is coming back, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it. They're here. With me. 

"Lyra, are you okay?"Asks Eliza resting a hand on my shoulder. 

"Y-yea."I choke out trying to keep it under control. I will NOT freak out. Not in a hospital, and certainly not with them. It dawns on me that they have never seen me cry. I kept it together at the funeral, and I have never truly broken down in front of them. They have no idea. I spent the first few months after it happened trying to keep everyone together, well everyone but Bellamy, but after a while I couldn't take it. No one spoke after that. 

The doctor opens the door looking at us all with a sad smile.

"I called your parents, and they believe that with my evaluation that you can leave. We will transition to weekly meetings. Sound good?"He says.

"Good. Let's go."Eliza stands up and walks over to a dresser pulling out a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. We leave the room and return to the lobby waiting for her to show up. Bellamy looks nervous as if he isn't sure where to go from here. Eliza meets us at the door, and we go out to the pickup truck. I'm thrown in the back to be tossed around due to the lack of seatbelts. 

"What are we going to do next?"I ask sitting forward to be close to them.

"Uh, we find Lacey?"Says Bellamy more of a question than an answer. 

"Uh, hate to break it to you, but she isn't exactly Lacey anymore."I state. They have no clue.

"What do you mean? She's Lacey, she couldn't have changed much."Says Eliza.

"Yes, and I still tie my hair with ribbon and wear sun dresses."I snap sarcasm cutting like daggers."People change."I immediately regret saying that seeing Eliza look down the way she does when she's angry or upset. 

"Let's just try."Bellamy says gripping the wheel so tight that his knuckles turn a pale white.