Don't you remember?

September 19th: Hospital

"C-can I go see her?"He asks suddenly looking at me with his large sad green eyes.

"The hospitals towards the city. I'm not sure you want to go that -"He cuts me off.

"Let's go!"He jumps down to the second platform, and I follow without question. I pick up my backpack, and  we walk back through the forest in silence. Bellamy melodically collects daisies weaving them through one another as we walk. He picks a few queen ann's lace flowers, the ones without a blood drop, putting them in with the elaborate crown. They were always beautiful, the crowns. We reach the street in time, and I feel a sudden nervousness. No one has seen Eliza in over a year. When she left, everyone thought she'd kill herself and that would be the end of it. I didn't believe that. She had always been strong and always wore a smile. I thought she would be the first to recover, and I guess I was dead wrong. We reach a beat up baby blue pickup truck, and flashbacks of the car come flooding back. It was Bellamy's fathers truck. The one they had driven us around to the state fairs and cinemas in. It had always smelled of lemons and coffee. He opens the passenger side looking at me with a near-expressionless look. 

"You remember this, don't you?"A soft smile breaks his cold look.

"Yea,"I say sitting on the old leather seats. The same smells fill my nostrils. Lemons and Coffee. At least this one thing hasn't changed, and in a way that is comforting. He jumps in the drivers side and looks at me expectantly."Wysteria hospital."I say with little thought.

"That place? They haven't abandoned it yet?"He says with a bit of horror. He had always been afraid of the place, and I think I was too. It was a big gothic building built back in the 1800's and used heavily during world war 2. It hadn't changed much since then. Kids used to say anyone who went there never came out. They had a point. The place was the stuff of nightmares. Dead vines grew all over the walls, and the exposed stone of the building was stained a near black with age. They built it at the top of a hill at the end of a long gravel road. It certainly wasn't a place you'd want to spend the night. Let alone an entire year.

He starts his truck and we roll out of the stupid little town. If I had the choice, I would never return. I stare out the window as the town rolls further and further into the distance. The air is thick with sorrow and tension, and neither of us have much to say. It's been so long, that I can no longer say I know him. There is a charm swinging from the mirror. A necklace with an emerald stone at the end of it. I wonder why he has it, but as I look closer I realize it's Ashland's. I feel my chest tighten. So that's what he received. 

When he left, I had so many questions. Bellamy on the other hand just left. He didn't grieve with us. He didn't get angry. He just packed up and left. I was too tired and broken by then to be angry. Now he's back. Back in this tiny little town where no one escapes. I don't blame him for wanting to leave. We all did. None of us wanted to stay in the little town where our lives started and fell apart. But now he's a completely different person. His eyes seem darker as if he was hurt so badly that he will never be the same. I suppose that is what happened. It happened to all of us. I haven't thought the way I am now for ages. I usually block out the memories. I want so badly to be angry at him and blame him for Eliza losing herself. I can't be angry. It isn't his fault. It wasn't anyone's fault....

The sky turns a deep gray within minutes of the car rolling over the cracked roads. Moments later rain hits the truck with a melodic pitter patter. I lean my head against the window and stare out at nothing in particular. My reflection in the window haunts me. My eyes are the same deep green, but I look so tired. Barely human. My heart aches, and I force myself to look down at my hands. I wonder how Bellamy recognized me. I can barely recognize myself anymore. I look over at Bellamy. His eyes are set on the road ahead. His jaw is set, and he looks far more serious than I remember. I'm not sure what I remember anymore. He was the sweet little kid who loved daisies and making people smile. Eliza was headstrong and sensible who always wore a smile no matter the situation. Lacey loved everyone and everything. Jake was humble. Maybe I didn't remember them correctly. Maybe I was clouded with innocence, or whatever they say. I continue to study his face; his jawline is stronger, and a trace of stubble is on his cheeks. He looks like his father now - if I remember his father correctly that is. Somehow after it all, we managed to lose touch. All of us. No one spoke to one another, and none of our parents attempted to make us continue speaking. Maybe they understood that it would be too hard. Or maybe they just didn't care enough to force us to get over it. I still remember that summer, or at least I try to. Some of it is crystal clear, but some things are lost memories or blurs of what happened.