B R E A T H E

five.

connor walked into his writing class the next day with something on his face. it was weird for him to have it just as it was weird for people to see him with it. 

it was a smile. 

he had forgotten what it felt like to smile. to have the corners of his mouth perked up and his eyes getting crinkles at the corners. he had begun to leave the darkness that he seemed to live in for the past few years. there were still parts of it chasing him, trying to trip him and catch him. but there was this light pulling him away. was it a person? was it troye? either way he felt himself becoming happier. he was halfway through his term and he actually had an idea for his writing project.

"a smile," sam said passing by on the way to her seat. "it's good to have the old conrad back."

"it's good to be back sam." connor said pulling out his notebook and opening to the half written page. 

sam chuckled to herself as she went and sat down. connor was just waiting for his blue eyed boy to walk through those doors so he could talk to him. take back his rudeness that was masked by his darkness. he wanted to know troye's life where he came from since clearly by his accent he wasn't from the states. eventually he heard the chair next to him move. he looked up and saw troye. 

but he looked different.

he didn't have his usual bright smile, his glowing skin. what happened? it's as if the tables have turned. life made troye that hardened young adult and connor the happy go lucky young adult. he wanted to ask but did he dare? he knew what the darkness did to people. it turned them to stone, made them cold. but this was the first time he'd seen troye like this. so maybe he had some hope to fight it, destroy it.  bring back the light. 

"troye?" connor said. 

troye turned to him his face showing no emotion, as if there wasn't a face there at all. "what do you want?" 

connor tried not to seem angry as he too had went through this and still is, in some way shape or form. "what's wrong?"

he rolled his eyes. "like you even care, you're twisted remember? besides you didn't seem to keen to the idea of being my friend so why are you so concerned now?" troye basically screamed the last part in connor's face.

connor looked around. people were staring at him, including sam. but sam's glance said something. and he knew what it meant. instantly connor grabbed troye and pulled him out of the class. ignoring troye's words of protest and the teachers weird looks. 

*               *                  *                    

"troye what the hell is wrong with you?" connor says nudging him onto the bench. 

troye leaned back and scoffed, rolling his eyes. "like i said before why are you so concerned now when before you couldn't even look me in the eye and speak to me." troye yelled.

"okay i get it." connor says sitting down next to troye and turning to him. "you think i'm a jerk."

troye's looks soften slightly. "no, but you don't show concern for anything and now all a sudden you do. you barley know me and i kinda wanna keep it that way."

"really," connor starts. "because there is only one person in this entire school, hell, this entire world that has ever called me twisted and you know who that was... sam." 

"so, i'm not going to tell you why im upset so go back to your isolation cause clearly that's working for you pretty boy." troye says letting out one last huff and falling back onto the bench.

connor felt every nerve in his entire body snap as troye said those words. they cut through him like an icy blade. ripping and tearing at him until the anger shown through his bones. troye had been wanting to know about him and now that he has a chance he's turning it away. why? connor didn't know, he wanted to know. now the confusion spread to him, he was the one who wanted to know about the mysterious boy. he is the one that is taken aback by the rude act. it's all him.

"you honestly think this isolation helps," connor had began. "you think sitting in silence with depressing thoughts help me? well that's where you're wrong, you think you know me don't you? oh wait no you don't, you think that everyone in this school including sam know everything about me? that's were you're also wrong. troye did you see the smile on my face when you walked in? it wasn't from anything here, it was from you! you are the one that granted me with the pleasure of knowing what a smile feels like! you are what is giving me the motivation to find a way to get out of this darkness that is my own mind. you are my escape. it's you troye all you! and dammit troye i wanna help you the way you are helping me! i know first hand what the darkness does to you if you keep it to yourself and i'm trying to help you so that you don't end up like i did. but seriously i get troye, i do."

connor felt his face. hot tears streaming down his face and staining it. had he just spilled almost his entire guts to troye? he couldn't stay in this place much longer. he got up covered his face ensuring that no one saw him and ran. he ran until his legs gave out and his breath was stifled. this wasn't just some chip he can pick off his shoulder this was real. he couldn't take back the words he said or his actions.

he began to run again, as if he was being chased by something. but he was. you couldn't see it but you could feel it. it was his invisible demon. his deepest of fears were unlocked from his cage and chasing him. he didn't know when it would become tired, but he was.

he was tired of almost everything.