B R E A T H E

nine.

there's a line between life and death.

it's called the threshold. 

legend says that when a person is in a coma or close to dying they have a choice. you can live your life, or die. every pain worry and problem evaporate from you. there's nothing you have to do. you live your eternal death in peace.

they say as you dance on the threshold that two things happen. you get your entire life shown before your eyes or a voice starts to speak to you. 

the voice can be you, someone you care for or someone that cares for you. they give you all the reasons you shouldn't pass that threshold, they try and give you a reason to live. much like someone trying to talk someone out of suicide. some people go back to there life, others don't. they find a home in the painless skies. they get this tingle feeling in their body as they pass this so called threshold. they let go of there worries and problems and become well... free. 

connor was on that threshold, and he was dancing.

when troye had found him he had passed out. his pulse was scarily slow and there had been multiple slices in his once perfect skit. he was too late. his demon had devoured him entirely as if he was a demon himself. troye hated himself now, if he had just told connor what was going on he wouldn't be here. he wouldn't be sitting at connor's side as his body laid lifeless on white sheet. as he looked at the american's body he looked at the bed in disgust. 

white was a happy color, it meant pure.

nothing was happy about this moment. he felt as if the color was making a mock of this situation. as if it was another demon in disguise screaming and yelling that connor was going to pass this line. he was going to let his worries go, he was going to end his pain. that this time troye wasn't going to save the day. that his attempts were as worthless as connor's life

'please connor, stay' troye thought as he looked back at the broken boy in front of him.

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(a/n: bold is connor,  italics is another version of connor who is basically telling him he should give up underlined words are them together.)

you know, i've been waiting for this moment. were i get to see your face. you're lifeless disgusting body i get to tell you you're worthless and no one will ever love you. 

what-what about troye. 

troye? ha, he wont be there for you. he'll end up like samantha. leaving you when times get tough letting you thoughts take over you mind and leave you with nothing. no control, no empathy. nothing

sam was different, she had struggles going on to.

yeah, because losing a girlfriend was a big deal.

her girlfriend committed suicide and sam blamed it on herself, i maybe going through things but i wouldn't know what i would do if my significant other killed themselves.

you wouldn't know connor. no one will ever love you. not even troye. he's probably not even looking for you. you're lying on your bathroom floor your blood running cold and your pulse weakening. 

hey, do you hear that?

hear what?

just listen.

"don't give it up just yet stay ground for one more minute..."

it's troye

look, i may be broken. but i'm going to take a chance with troye. if he breaks my heart, okay i will lean to live with that. i'm going to speak up im going to speak out. i'll contact my family tell them i wanna see them. rekindle my friendship with sam. i'm going to step out of my depression and punch my demons in the face.

connor....

i'm gonna wake up, i'm gonna breathe.