A Dark Rose Blooms (poetry)

Introduction- 2012

It's funny how bad things seem to always happen when you is at your happiest. Your whole day could be ruined in an instant. You can't do anything about it except just deal with it! It's not worth getting upset over if you have to deal with it either way right? That is exactly how I used to think, I used to never feel real sorrow. I would cry, but not about things that mattered or really hurt my heart. It's hard to change a person's thinking. It takes a lot.

I was just looking at this casket. I was surrounded by whiteness. Pure whiteness. At first it felt like a wedding and then it felt like something empty, like I was in a blank room and just staring at this 4 month old in a casket. I listened to the loud cry of my cousin and watched my sister silently break down her walls. Everyone around me seemed to be tearing up except for me. I wondered why I couldn't even force myself to cry. I felt even worse at the end of the wake when I had to hug my cousin while she was in uncontrollable sorrow. a feeling I just couldn't feel!

Staring at a casket again made my heart ache, it has been what? 2 years since the last time? I was only 10 years old! I felt like my world was falling apart. Who cares how old she was! Who cares if she was sick! I didn't care about any of those facts except for the fact that was so proud of me! Of me getting out of the wheelchair and on crutches, my grades, all of my accomplishments. She was so proud of me! I've had dreams of this woman, being there when I was able to walk for real. I still miss her, I miss her smile, I most definitely still shed a tear every once in a while. It was so sad to sit there and listen to people speak about her and tell us that we shouldn't be sad and that she's happy. I know she was happy, I know she was smiling, I know she might have been ready to leave, but I wasn't ready to let her go. Not at all. I miss her so much. I really miss my 97 year old great grandmother.

You'll never understand anyone else's pain until you experience what they have in their body and in their mind. It doesn't make you a bad person if you don't feel the same way, but you should feel for them. You should be able to show them sympathy. But you can never know how they feel. I've learned what sorrow really is and what it really feels like. I've seen it, I've heard it, I felt it. It's an emotion I never wanted to feel, never want to feel again, but I know it exists and I'm going feel it a lot in my life. I don't control my life. I deal with it differently now, I understand that you can show any emotion you feel. People may never see it on the outside, but sometimes I'm dying on the inside.