I'm Just The Outcast

Meeting Me...

Well I'm not really good at hello's so, um, hi? I guess I'll tell you a little about myself now? Ok... my name is Mika Jay ValNic, I am originally from Chicago, Illinois, but after I tried to kill myself last year because I was being bullied for being gay, we moved to a small town in Montana called Whitefish. I still haven't figured out why they call it Whitefish, they don't even have a lake that has fish in it. Anyways I am turning 17 in a month and my parents want to throw a big party and invite a lot of people. The only problem with that is that I have no friends, I've never had any friends except for this girl named Farah, she was this very energetic, loving soul. We both got bullied back in our home town because she self harmed and when the other kids found out they bullied her about it. They would put razors in her locker with paper towels that had period blood on them. They also called her fat and put weight loss pills in her locker with Ana coach numbers. Ana coaches are "coaches" that make you feel bad about eating and not exercising, they make you become anorexic, hence the Ana part. She ran away about 5 years ago, last summer they found her dead in the woods in California; she committed suicide. I couldn't even go to her funeral because they buried her in California when her parents didn't want anything to do with her. I don't have to miss her like the others do because I can see her and hear her talk to me. I know that sounds pretty crazy, but I have schizophrenia so I can talk to her anytime I want to. The doctors say that my brain is just trying to cope with her death by making the illusion she is still here, but I think they are lying because Farah says that they want me to get rid of her. The doctors just want me to be alone so that they can do tests on me to do research, when they have what they need they will kill me. 

After Farah ran away my bullying got worse, they started to put pictures of her in my locker with notes that made it seem like she was writing them, but I knew it wasn't true. After that stopped working they started to put razors in my locker with notes that said I should start self harming to take the pain away. At first I didn't do it because I thought Farah would be disappointed in me when she came back, then I found out that she was dead and I just broke down and started cutting myself with the razors that they put my locker. I was doing that for a while until I started to see her. Farah would come to me at night and talk me to sleep, but one night she didn't show up. I got really upset and started cutting myself but this time I didn't stop until I passed out, the only thing I remember before the hospital is hearing screaming and crying and sirens. I woke up in a hospital bed with my arms and legs stitched up and covered in bandages but I was still bleeding. My mom was asleep in the chair beside my bed. 

"Mom?" I whispered while trying to sit up.

She opened her eyes and looked at me, after she realized that I was awake and I was looking at her she jumped up and grabbed me and started crying. "Oh my God Mika you are awake!" she looked around trying to find my dad who was obviously not in here.

"Where's Dad?" I kind of already knew where he was, they had been talking about divorce for a while now. I guess I made him leave for good this time, I didn't mean to though.

"He is at home taking a shower sweetie don't worry about him ok? How are you feeling?" 

"Mom." I gave her that look she gives me when I don't tell her the truth and she knows it.

"We will talk about it later ok baby?" I could tell she didn't want to get into it so I just nodded and she proceeded to hug me.

A few weeks later I was out of the hospital, Dad hadn't been there to see me at all, not even once. When we got home my mom sits me down and tells me that Dad left us and he says that is mom's fault that I tried to kill myself. He was also taking the house away from us, mom lost her job when I went to the hospital.

I had relatives in Whitefish that we could stay with until mom got a job to support us, and this is where the adventure began...