As we head back to camp everyone is sorrow. You could practically smell the tears among them. I most of all. I felt dirty with tears staining my face and blood from Mia on my hands. I start to rub my hands. Bion had gone off to do something, I don't know what. He left last night too. I felt him leave my side. I start to rub harder and harder but it seems the dried blood is welded to my skin. I get Lola and we walk to Amar's tent cause he seems to be the only one taking charge of anything. He sits outside it alone. Just watching. "Hey Amar," I say and start to scrape away at the blood. "I feel dirty can I uh go take a bath, is there a place for that?" He sits there for a while silent. I am about to speak, thinking he didn't hear me but then he spoke. "There is a lake near by but no one goes alone. You can go to the market to get spare cloths for a towel and there should be soap in another market tent," Amar says then continues to stare at nothing but also everything. An endless loop. I can see how he feels. I try to think of a way Mia couldn't have died. Like if I stayed in the tent with her and not Bion. Or if I was more aware or some thing that could have saved her, but in the end I couldn't have stopped it. But I still get the itching feeling like it was my fault. Like I could have done more. I scrape away at my hands and wrists. I realize I am still standing here with Amar. "Thank you," I say with a slight smile. He barely nods. I walk away, Lola trotting at my side. I quickly grab my things and head to the lake. I ignored Amar's 'no one ever goes alone' thing. I have Lola and some would say that I nee someone who can speak but Lola has it covered. After walking a quarter of a mile we reach the lake. I think about Mia how she would insist on coming with me to protect me even though she would have had a lot of work to do as leader. How she never grew up to be 19. Then I think I am 16 what if I never reach 17. I quickly undress hoping that no one followed me. I step into the water. It is chilly but not totally unbearable. I quickly start to wash my body. Then I start to battle my hair it is grimy with dirt. Then I rinse it out and though the blood has peeled from my hands and wrists I rub the soap hard on it until my dark skin gives off a pinkish red color. I think about Bion his bright blue eyes, that dirty blonde hair, his big muscles, and his tan skin. He is gorgeous and I haven't even talked about his personality. He doesn't even know me and he is so sweet to me. And I am so glad he hasn't asked about my past yet. I want it to stay gone but I can't run from the past forever. Someday it will catch up to me. I hear a twig crack in the woods and duck my head low above the water and scan the tree line. Bion comes out back facing towards me. How long was he there? Did he see me? I feel really embarrassed. "Hey sorry to intrude, I came back and heard Amar sent you here," he says his back still facing me. "Knowing you and your experience alone in the woods before, I knew you would come alone. And I know you are capable of taking care of yourself but I couldn't risk it." I am happy he felt concerned for me but I didn't in any way want him to see me, like this. "I promise I won't peek," Bion says playfully. "Good we agree, no peeking," I say with a sly smile. I scratch at my wrists some more and get to the edge of the lake where my clothes are. I quickly dry off and get dressed in my tank-top and jean shorts. I ring out my hair and walk over to Bion. I kiss the side of his neck from behind. He turns around with a smile and pulls me towards him. He crushes our lips together in a fiery passion. My lips tingle where he touched as he pulls away. Bion lifts me up on him. He holds my legs like I'm getting a piggy back ride but it is more like a piggy chest ride. I wrap my arms around his back and shoulders. I kiss him fiercely knowing how much risk we carry. Off guard like this, we stand in the open completely distracted. A perfect shot for a silencer or even a 5th waver. Bion sets me down. Lola stands by us. She pants and smiles with her tongue hanging out. I grab Bion's hand and entwine my fingers in his. As we walk back I scratch away at my wrists and hands. "Shilo, are you ok," Bion asks looking down at my hands. They are bright red and have streak marks all the way to my elbow. "As fine as I can be," I say thinking back to Mia. Bion looks concerned and like he is about to say something but then he stays quiet. As we walk to Amar's tent we see a few people milling around. All of them sulking. They look defeated. I refuse to back down and dishonor Mia's legacy. She always wanted to fight back but she still took care of her own. I will keep the fight alive as Bion once told me. I will protect my own. I will pull the camp back together. We reach Amar's tent. He still sits there with the same distant look. At that moment I realize he can't be leader, he isn't strong enough. "Hey, we see no one is really doing anything," Bion says. "And we were wondering what needs to be done," I say finishing Bion's sentence. "Food. We always need lots of it, you can hunt for game. I'm tired of cans of soup for lunch and dinner," he says without looking up. "Sure thing," Bion says. I have mostly raided I have only caught game a few times when I really needed the protein. I cooked it far from my camp so no one would catch me there when I left. Cause I was ready for the silencers, I built a wall of rocks just for this occasion. There was enough room for the fire and me to fit. I usually used traps and my knife, but something told me Bion was skilled enough to kill on sight. Bion and I walk to the supply shack. He seems to be skilled with guns. I can tell by the way he picks them up. Though he looked very comfortable with the few guns he decides on a bow and arrow. We chose silencer style to keep the silencers away. Kind of ironic. I grab a machete, it is very similar to my old one. I lost it while fighting a 5th waver. Now all I have is my dad's old handgun and my dagger. I test the balance of the machete, slicing it through the air in one slick motion. It was light but sharp and perfectly capable of a kill. I like to value every life except for the Others. When I was younger I was riding in the car with my mom and I had just turned twelve. I was sitting in the front seat for the first time. We were rocking to some tunes and my mom accidentally hit a deer. It busted through the windshield and fell on me. It died in my arms. I broke my nose and fractured my skull. When we were in the ambulance my mom cried for me. She was afraid she had permanently damaged her baby girl. When she shed tears for me I cried for the deer. I know it sounds stupid but a life was just taken from the world and I was just hurt. So who freaking cares about me, I was sad for the dead animal on the side of the road. I'd never killed anything, until They came. Every time I sacrificed a life so I would live, I cried and prayed for the animal. I like to think I have a kind soul for doing so but considering what I have done to the Others, even if they are murderous alien scums, I don't think I deserve the title. Bion pulls me from my reminiscing. "Thinking about my abs aren't you," Bion says and grins at me. "You wish, I bet you are thinking about me in that lake," I say playing along. "Got me there," he says flashing a smile. God he was so cute. "Hey so I was thinking about how we never got to talk about you and me," he says. "Like I want to get to know you. Don't get me wrong kissing you is amazing but I want to really know, you." I think about it. Well I wouldn't be lying to him I just wouldn't be telling him the whole truth. "What do you want to know?" I ask. "Well for starters what is with the dog tags you always wear? Are they Lola's," he asks. The knot in my stomach twists. "They were my parent's," I say softly. "Oh I'm sorry I didn't know," Bion says with a upset look. "It is fine I can't run from my past forever. Well they were both in the army, they always wore each other's tags," I say. "When they died," I choke down a sob. "When they died I took them and put them together, they way they should always be. I believe wherever they are they will find one another." Bion looks thoughtful. "What were their names?" I take a deep breath, I am tired of crying. "Lila and Jay Milton," I say with a sad smile. "Do you want to know how we named Lola?" I ask. "I want to know everything about you Shilo," Bion says with a flirty smirk. "Ok well my mom had me on her birthday. My dad would always make it a special day for both of us. I always wondered how he did it all alone," I smile at the memory of my dad. "As I said they both were in the army so we moved around a lot and they were my family and my best friends. We were all very close." "On my 16th birthday my dad wanted it to be special. Even though we were not in to the social norm we still had my sweet 16," I say. "I had always wanted a dog from as far back as I could remember. So on my mom and I's birthday my dad came in with this big, slobbery Rottweiler puppy. She had this silly green bow tied to her head," I say. "That was my favorite color as it was my mom's also. Anyway he said he had already named her. He took the last letters of my name and her's to make Lola, Shilo and Lila," I say expressing the last letters of our names. "Huh that is very sweet I wish I could have met them," Bion says and lowers his head like it was his fault. "Come on it isn't your fault, you didn't start this. Now tell me something about you," I say. "Ok well I had my dad and my mom and my baby sister. I say baby but she was only one year younger than me. My mom died giving birth to Melanie. I missed having a mom but I didn't miss her specifically. I never remembered even meeting her," Bion says. "My dad was an FBI agent. He took care of us but he was obsessed. He was convinced that my mom was somehow killed after birth instead of just dying. Once she had Melanie and the nurses put her in the nursery Dad gave Mom time to rest. He came back ten minutes later when he saw he forgot his phone in there. When he came back she was dead. There was blood all over the covers," Bion says. "My dad was in the FBI before but then he got very much into it. He worked late nights and was the first person there. His name was Sam Birton and my mom's was Cassandra Birton. Anyway so I looked after Melanie all the time. We were real close and not even us together as a team could stop our dad's obsession." Bion Birton, it felt right. "So what happened to them?" I instantly regret asking as I see the hurt cloud over his face. "Dad was gone in the second wave, the bureau was completely smashed by the massive blow, and Melanie," he stopped and a tear fell off his cheek. "It is ok you don't have to tell me. As a wise person once said to me, another story for another time," I quote Mia. I smile and tears roll down my cheeks. My few memories of her are strong and vivid. I still feel an empty hole inside my chest but I feel more content. Like I have accepted she is done and I now will carry on the fight that lived in her heart.
