No More Pain

Chapter 25: Trapped In My Mind

Author's Note: So despite the fact that for whatever reason Marvel has sold off different characters of the Marvel universe to different Movie companies I don't care. I am officially linking the X-Men movie verse with the Avengers movie verse in the next few chapters. I honestly know much more about X-Men then any of the other Marvel characters and so it helps me resolve this story. I promise the focus will remain on our main man Winter Soldier and his alter ego Bucky Barnes! Hope you enjoy, sit tight for the remaining few chapters!

***

KID CUDI LYRICS

"Trapped In My Mind"

You see I'm trapped in my mind
And I'm going trippy
Oh I don't think I'll ever go

You see the walls are so high
That I couldn't climb them
So I don't know which way to roll

But I'm stuck in rewind
Oh I'm looking forward
Damn I wish I new what went wrong

Am I sick, am I ill
man my mental got me
Oh lord please help me pull through

The surgery had been a success and after only a week the Soldier was able to stand and walk on his own even if he was stiff and slightly sore, his accelerated healing helping in the recovery. The swelling in his face had all but disappeared, bruises visible but faded and Natasha joked that she was jealous since she still looked like a punching bag. No one brought up the Handler or asked him any questions about his memories and for that he was thankful. Each night when he slept he was still plagued by Nightmares as usual but instead of ending with a hostel and angry James Barnes, he was instead rescued by the man who helped him fight away the demons and then patiently reminded him of his promise to set Barnes free. The Soldier stood in front of the mirror in his bathroom as he looked into the reflection of the face that was not his own. He let out a long sigh as he swallowed down his fear of eternal slumber and reminded him self that he would finally be able to rest.

With a heavy heart but a willful determination, he sat down on the mattress in the middle of his floor and grabbed the pen and notebook Sam had given him a while back, as an encouragement to write down his thoughts and feelings. Until now he had left it untouched but he knew that his time with Steve and the Avengers was coming to an end and he had to figure out how best to explain to them the terrible truth that he was not in fact Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, but just the blank canvas, the mindless heap of clay that was molded by Hydra to be their obedient, lethal killer. With a deep and resolute sigh he put pen to paper and began writing his goodbye letter to the only people who had ever treated him with kindness and compassion. The People who helped him realize that he did not have to live a life knowing only pain and death. He would miss them and he did not try to stop the flow of tears as he wrote his farewell.

........................................................................................................................

Steve sat with the still sore and some what cranky Black Widow as she sipped on a cup of mint tea and looked through a magazine of the newest stealth combat gear, occasionally folding the corners of the page as she sat with phone near by and a credit card Stark had given her in a goody bag of get-well-soon gifts. Steve looked over at her from the Yankees' baseball game he was watching with amusement as Sam walked in having just returned from a few days in DC.

"Hey Cap!...... Natasha." Sam nodded and received a grin from Steve and small salute from the Window who did not look up from her magazine.

"How are things going down there in our Nation's Capital?" Steve asked as Sam took a seat in the arm chair near the couch the two Avengers were lounging on. Sam shrugged with a nod.