Wonder

Chapter 3

*A week later*

‘Nathan’ I heard Mum’s soft voice ‘Nathan wake up. Today’s your first day of university.’

I rubbed my eyes and opened them to see mum smiling at me. It was just like school mornings. I hated that feeling, the ‘waking up before school’ feeling. Mainly because school always brought back bad memories.

‘It’s 8:00 am’ she said. I groaned. ’I know your class starts at 10 but I just want you to make sure everything’s ready beforehand.’

I didn’t say anything and kept rubbing my eyes. I squinted and realized Mum had left. I looked at the alarm clock on my bedside table. I had two whole hours before my class started. That’s when it kicked in, today’s my first day of university, I recalled. Suddenly I felt the blood drain from my body. Fear took over me, I can’t do this. My hands started shaking slightly ‘Stop.’ I muttered under my breath, trying to stop my hands from moving. ‘I can do this.’ I sighed. I will do this…

I sat up on my bed and grabbed my shirt which was curled up into a ball at the end of the bed. I pulled it over my head and stood up, got my slippers on and headed to the bathroom. I did the daily routine, took a shower, brushed my teeth, put on a pair of sweatpants and a white shirt and went outside into the kitchen of our new apartment.

Just to make it clear, we had recently moved to an apartment in London from our house in Gloucester. Mum thought it was a good idea to move, that way we could sort of have a new start and forget everything about the past. It helped Mum a lot though cause when she was with Dad she always seemed lost but mostly crazy. He used to abuse her because she couldn’t give him a ‘normal’ son. She still has bruises on her back and on her upper arms. He even hit me once or twice when he was drunk but would not ever miss the chance of abusing me verbally. I’m lucky to have her cause she beared so much pain for me and Max. She’s my hero.

This apartment was pretty cool though. It had a nice view, had four bedrooms and I felt sort of independent here.

‘Mornin.’ Max walked in the kitchen, yawning and took a seat at his usual spot, opposite to me and right next to Mum.

‘Morning.’ Mum answered softly.

‘Someone looks grumpy today.’ He said glancing at me as he poured orange juice in a glass in front of him.

I didn’t say anything and just stared at the cereal in my bowl. I didn’t feel like talking at all. I felt like if I would, I’d say something stupid which would probably tick Max off so I thought it was clever to stay quiet. Plus, I usually am quiet, so it wouldn’t really matter.

‘Nath is something wrong?’ Mum asked me. Of course she knew there was something wrong, she’s my mother. I shook my head lightly.

‘Is something bothering you?’ Max asked. I shook my head again.

Mum and Max shared a look. They both know how I am and I bet they both were worried about me too. Going to a new place and starting over is harder than people think it is, especially for people like me. We take time to adjust to new surroundings and new people.

University is all about confidence, which I have none. I  barely make direct eye contact with my own family, let alone giving presentations in front of 20 to 30 strangers, like I can talk but on rare occasion or only if I know someone or someone I’m close to, otherwise I’m just a walking dummy. Like I said before, I’m a bit better than most autistic people but I’m still one of them and I am shitting my pants to be honest.

The worst part of it all is that Mum has always treated me as a normal kid. She made me go to a normal school, where I got bullied. She wanted me to have normal friends for example Jay, although sometimes I have my doubts about him. But I’m not ‘normal’, that’s what my mum doesn’t understand and that’s usually the reason we end up arguing, like last week.