Broken

02.Messed Up

Chapter 2: Messed Up
Song: "Crybaby" by Melanie Martinez
________________________

I entered through the gate of my school and began to walk across the field of wet grass. My walk got slower with each small footstep. I tried to be happy, but I just couldn't shake the sadness I felt.

The bell rang as I stepped onto the cold cement. I knew I was late but I didn't care.

When I walked into class over a minute late, my health teacher—Mrs.Simons—asked me,

"Do you have a note?" I shook my head at the ground, but she didn't see me. She asked again,

"Do you have a note for being late to school?" Her high-pitched kiddy voice annoyed the living hell out of me. I couldn't take anymore; I looked her in the eye and told her,

"I was a minute late, why would I have a note?" Mrs.Simons used all the patience she had left to reply calmly but with attitude,

"You could have a note because you knew that you were late and had your mom write you a note to pardon your tardiness." I was sick of people bringing up my parents as a way to get things done; so, I snapped,

"I would've gotten a note if my mom wasn't passed out." All of the blood in my body rushed to my cheeks, making them tingle.

What the hell did I just say!? I asked myself as my cheeks got hotter.

Mrs.Simons looked at me with a look of shock, obviously trying to process what I just said. I couldn't blame her; I was still processing it myself.

"Amity...I think, um. I think we need to have a talk outside." I didn't move at first, I was too embarrassed and afraid to move.

Talk about what? About my mom? About me? I wondered while I followed Mrs.Simons outside class and into the hallway.

The kids who sat near the front of the class poked their heads out to listen to out conversation, making the situation at hand even worse.

"Amity," Mrs.Simons started, "Do you remember our lesson on drug and alcohol abuse?"

I nodded my head awkwardly then waited for her to speak again. She continued on,

"Ha-Has your mom shown any signs of drug or alcohol abu—" I cut her off by whispering loudly,

"You don't need to talk to me about it. I already know both my parents drink. Can I go sit down now?" Mrs.Simons looked at me, and I could see the sympathy in her light brown eyes.

Before I knew it, her warm arms were wrapped around me. I didn't know what to do. This was the first act of true compassion I'd had in quite some time, so I didn't know how to react. All I knew was to stand there in her embrace.

Some of the kids saw Mrs.Simons hugging me, and they started to laugh. This made my cheeks turn back to red.

Mrs.Simons pulled back but kept a hold of my shoulders. She was staring at my eye; my black eye. She gave a very confused look at first, then her expression changed to understanding. She asked,

"Oh, sweetie. What happened to your poor eye?" I said nothing so she continued,

"Amity, please tell me." I fidgeted with my fingers as I glanced up at Mrs.Simon's bright eyes.

"I got into a fight with my cousin. I slapped him, so he punched me in the eye." I lied. Mrs.Simons rubbed my shoulder as she said,

"Just remember, violence is never the answer." I rolled my eyes after she patted my back and turned to walk back into the classroom.

When I followed Mrs.Simons back into class, a few kids whispered and laughed at me. I looked to my friend, Cassy, hoping for a bit of comfort. Her hazel rainforest-like eyes met my dark chocolate-like ones.

Seeing the compassion and hope in Cassy made things a bit better. I took my seat at the table next to Cassy's and didn't say a word.

* * * * *

The lunch bell rang, and I walked over to Cassy's last class before lunch: math. We always met there before lunch. She skipped over to me and put her arm around my shoulders. She happily squeaked,

"Heeeey suga!" Even though I was upset, I laughed at her greeting. I didn't say anything after laughing, which signified that I was upset.

"Still upset about first period?" Cassy asked, expecting a simple answer. Instead, I have her this,

"It's not just first period, Cassy. It's everything. My family, my relationships, myself; they're all messed up. I can't do anything to fix it, so I'm always upset. I'm sorry, but I'll always be that way."

There was a short pause where Cassy took in what I said. After processing my words, she replied,

"Amity... I know this isn't what you want to hear, but, I'm sorry. I really am sorry for you and feel bad that I can't really do anything to fix your problems. I'm sorry..."

"It's okay. Lets just forget about it and go meet Tris and Natalie." I began walking away and toward the back of school where some of the kids—including myself and my friend group—ate. Cassy caused me to stop in my tracks and turn around by confusedly calling out,

"What about food?" Walking back to her, I realized that I risked Cassy finding out my secret. I didn't know what I would do if she found out; she probably wouldn't even talk to me anymore because of it. She'll hate me, I told myself.

I walked out of the cafeteria with a tray full of nothing but calories and fat that were completely not needed. I looked down at the peanut butter and jelly sandwich and chocolate milk in shame.

Out of all things, why did I get chocolate milk? It's way more fattening; and so is the peanut butter and jelly! Why am I torturing myself like this? I need to stop; and I need to stop now.

We were almost to the back of the school and I slowed down so I was waking a bit behind Cassy.

I nearly stopped and fell to the ground in despair when I saw a couple cuddling in the corner across from where we would be sitting. A tear slid down my face. Do I really care about him that much? I asked myself as another tear slid down onto my cheeks.

When we reached my other friends—Tris and Natalie—I threw my food into the trash bin and said with a shaky, cracking voice,

"I'll be right back." I ran away, trying not to look back. I looked back anyway, which made me full on cry. What I had seen had been an absolute nightmare to me.

________________________

A/N I hope you're enjoying the story. Nobody's reading this, huh? Oh well!! Writing for myself because I'm lonely is fine and totally not weird at all...haha...

🐼Bye loves!!🐼