Broken

04.Spilling Blood

Chapter 4: Spilling Blood
Song: "Sippy Cup" by Melanie Martinez
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I was used to the sound of glass breaking; despite that, I ran to the kitchen (where I heard the crash from). When I got to the kitchen, I dropped my backpack on the ground and ran to my mom and brother.

"Amity, go to your room." Tyler—my brother—told me after I ran to him and my mom. I shook my head as tears ran down my cold cheeks. I managed to ask him,

"What happened?" Tyler didn't say anything. He continued staring at our mom who was sprawled out on the floor. I asked Tyler another time, but louder,

"What did you do to mom?" A tear escaped Tyler's eye. He opened his mouth to say something but I interrupted him by shouting,

"Tyler, you can't do this! You're gonna kill her one day! Do you even realize what you've done? Our mom is unconscious on the goddamn floor!"

Tyler stood still, speechless, which infuriated me for some reason. I grabbed my backpack and ran to my room, tears streaming down my face. I slammed my door and sat down in front of it; I finally let all of the tears out.

Unexpectedly, my phone made a dinging sound. I pulled it out of my back pocket and checked to see who texted me. It was Cassy.

This won't be good.

You don't know that, Ana. It could be good...

You're funny. Nothing good can ever happen to you.

I unlocked my phone then read Cassy's message:

C- Hey...I know you're going through some stuff, and I get that. But that's no excuse to be a bitch to me. I've always been there for you and you never return the favor. I'm getting sick of you ignoring me or snapping at me. I didn't tell you this before because I was afraid I'd hurt you. But you've hurt me so many times so I figured I could hurt you just once. I hope you're happy you made me so upset, Amity.

I didn't know how to respond, so I didn't. I threw my phone on my bed as I walked to my washroom.

I quickly—but quietly—shut the door and locked it. I only had one voice in my head, and it definitely wasn't mine. It was another one of the monsters I called friends.

*TRIGGER WARNING*

You don't deserve your life, you might as well give up.

I don't wanna give up...yet. Wait, you're not Ana. Who are you?

I'm Deb, formerly known as depression. I'm here to judge your every move, to criticize you, to bring you down. It'll be a lot of fun.

Then, what do you want now?

For you to punish yourself for being a bad friend. You upset Cassy, and you don't deserve her. Well go on now, punish yourself. Don't make us wait.

...Alright.

Good girl.

I let out a sigh as I stepped into my shower and grabbed my razor from the shelf. I slowly stepped out of the tub and walked over to the sink.

After taking the three blades out of my razor, I pulled the sleeve of my sweatshirt up past my elbow.

I took a deep breath before letting the blade rest against my skin. At first, I just stared at the sharp piece of silver in my hand. The light bounced off of the blade, making it shine. I liked that. I liked the thought of something new and pure touching my skin.

After admiring the blade that was laid across my skin, I picked it up. I took a few more deep breaths.

I pressed the blade against the skin on my wrist, then slid it all the way across my wrist. I quickly squeezed my eyes shut due to the pain I hadn't prepared myself for.

I lifted the once-clean blade off of my skin and looked down to see the crimson colored blood running down my hand. It silently fell off of my fingertips and into the sink.

Seeing the blood made a few stray tears slide down my cheeks while also bringing a smile to my face. I didn't know whether to cry or smile because of what I did, so I did both.

I wiped off the tears that had gathered on my chin and brought the blade back down to my skin. Another cut brought more blood, more satisfaction, and more pain.

Pain. Just what I deserve. Right?

Yes, that is correct. And why do you deserve this pain?

Because I made Cassy upset and I'm a disappointment and nobody likes me.

Yes. And?

And, because...if nobody else in this family will accept the pain, I'll do it for them.

You did good...for once. Now, continue your punishment.

But—

Continue.

I had lost yet another battle with the monsters inside my head. I brought the blade to my wrist once again. But before I could spill more blood, I heard Tyler crying. I immediately ran back into the kitchen where he was.

I stopped in the doorway to see him sitting on the ground with the house phone in his hand. I got on my knees then looked at him and said in a shaky, cracking voice,

"Tyler...I'm sorry. I never asked if you did this to mom. She falls all the time and I'm sorry I assumed you pushed her. But, what actually happened?" He looked at me with a shy smile on his face. He shook his head once more before saying,

"I had just got home and was in the living room. I heard a thud in the kitchen so I walked up here. Mom had dropped her phone and started saying it was my fault. I told her it wasn't, then I started walking back downstairs. She got mad and started to walk after me. She tripped on the box of sodas and fell." He gestured to the box of sodas laying next to him then continued telling me the story,

"She tried to grab something to keep her up, but all she got was a plate that went down with her. I guess that was the crash that you heard when you came in...sorry."

"Don't be sorry," I started, "It was moms fault, not yours." There was a short pause before I asked him,

"Do you think she's hurt or just passed out?" Tyler shrugged his shoulders then responded,

"I don't know, I was gonna call 911..." He looked into my eyes as if looking for approval.

"I think that'd be best, actually."

Tyler quickly dialed the three numbers and held the phone up to his ear. When he started talking, I realized I hadn't washed off my cuts and the blood could just be soaking into my sweatshirt.

I walked back to my washroom and pulled my sleeve back up to examine my cuts. Thankfully, none of the blood had gotten on my sweatshirt.

After I cleaned up the blood and cuts on my wrist, there were a few loud knocks on the front door.

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A/N Fourth chapter down and many to go!! Btw, I'm thinking of an updating pattern. It's not really a pattern, tho—you'll all know what I mean later. Don't you worry your pretty lil faces!

🐼Bye loves!!🐼