Yours, Always

Chapter Thirty Three

Dear Diary,

Me and Bobby fell asleep together again but this time it was worse – much worse.

After dinner mum put Sophie and Tom to bed – in Sophie's room, they've been getting on really well so they don't mind. Anyway then they all sat in the living room chatting and getting drunk. Me and Bobby came up here to my room and stuck a film on and chatted for hours – well like I said we fell asleep – in my bed.

When I woke up this morning Bobby had his arm around me and was practically crushing me but strangely in a weird way it felt nice. Then like 30 seconds later mum walks through my bedroom door like nothing's wrong holding out the house phone to me.

As I say hello I wonder if she is still drunk I mean hello – I'm in bed with Bobby literally on top of me.

Oh god – I'm not sure I can even write what happened next. It was so embarrassing.

"Andrea," the voice on the other end says and oh god it was James!

Apparently my phone died and he hadn't been able to get hold of me last night. The problems started however when Bobby woke up.

"Andy?" he asks half asleep squeezing me closer to him and god even now I can still feel him – I'm going to hell that's for sure.

"Who the fuck is that?" James shouts down the phone at me.

"Andy?" Bobby says again and this time I can tell he is fully awake.

"Oh my god Andrea, is that Bobby?" James asks "Are you sleeping with him?" he continues.

"James look, I'm sorry – yes technically we slept together but that's all we did – sleep. I promise you we are just friends. Nothing more." I tell him but it feels like a lie and even if James can't tell I know Bobby hears it in my voice.

"So you're still a virgin?" he asks and I cringe because not only do I not want Bobby to hear, I'm pissed off that James would think I'm like that.

"Yes." I tell him.

"Say it." He says and I'm confused.

"Say yes I'm still a virgin out loud so I can tell if you are telling the truth or not." He says and even now I remember how small and insignificant he made me feel.

"I don't want to." I tell him.

"Do you love me? If you did you would say it." He says and I feel like saying that if he loved me he'd believe me but I don't because I know he'll turn it around and it will still be my fault.

"Say it Andrea."

"Fine. Yes I am still a virgin James." I feel like adding that I hate him too but I don't. I just hang up and try to cringe away from Bobby but it was like he was hanging on to me for dear life. After ten minutes of silence Bobby finally spoke.

"I'm still a virgin too if that makes this situation any less awkward."

I turned to face him and laughed because actually it did make it better. A lot better, it stopped me feeling stupid and made me realise that it was OK to not have had sex yet.

Bobby and his family left a little while ago – so now I'm left here wondering what on earth I'm going to do with this incredibly messed up situation all on my own.

I miss him already and he's not even been gone two hours!

I think I need some help.

Time to visit George.

Xxx