Hate, love, cars and mafia together in Tokyo /Tom Kaulitz story/

35.Shopping and parfaits

Tom’s POV

I walked downstairs fully dressed in a green-white checkered shirt, a white t-shirt, light denim pants and some green sneakers. The garage/livingroom was empty so I figured somebody would be in the kitchen. As I thought, I found Bill crawled into a cabinet, searching for sweets.

"You know all the sweets are in the other cabinet right?" I chuckled as Bill popped out and gave me a weird look. 

"So are you going to hang out with Gustav, Georg and me or are you going off today again?" He muttered and walked up to a cabinet across the kitchen and opened it as his eyes glistened slightly at the bright colors of the candy.
 

I sighed low and cursed myself under my breath. For the last couple of weeks I had been feeling like shit. Practically every day I had so spend time with her. I shrugged uncomfortably just at the thought of it.

And when I got home I felt like I was a lying bastard. I come home and Taylor greets with me with a smile. Oh my god, her smile could brighten my darkest day.

"You know they are all starting to really wonder what’s going on" Bill said as he stuffed his mouth filled with skittles. He motioned me to sit down as he took a seat himself. I obliged and sat down as I offered myself a handful of skittles.

"I know they do, but Bill you can’t tell them" I said harshly giving him a look. He groaned loudly.

"Why not Tom? You don’t even realize how this is affecting not only you, but everyone living here!" He stated obviously upset.

"Bill you don’t think I see..." I started but he cut me off.

"No Tom you don’t. You have no idea. You think that the more you are trying to keep her safe, the better the situation is. You are going to realize too late that you are pushing her away" Bill said angrily. I was slightly surprised at the harsh tone he was using. Was he right, was I pushing Taylor away?

"W-what do you mean?" I asked and started pulling slightly at the wrapper of the skittles. A force of habit when I felt nervous.

"Tom, when you come home Taylor is so excited to see you but the way you treat her makes her whole aura sink. As soon as you push her away you can see it hurting her even if it’s not written all over her face" Bill said and pushed some greens Skittles in his mouth.

At first I wanted to growl at him for making such a statement, he didn’t know how she felt, but I realized, he was right. It suddenly gawked on me that I had been pushing her away from me more that I had thought.

But I just couldn’t stand the idea of a cruel, lying, asshole like me could ever deserve Taylor. She was being too kind and caring for me when she deserved someone a hell of a lot better.

So when I came home after one of those days. I couldn’t even look her in the eyes. I was too ashamed over my self.

A worthless piece of shit like me didn’t even have the right to be around her. I didn’t want to push her away from me, but I couldn’t stand the thought that she cared so much for me when clearly I’m not worthy of her.

"I have been pushing her away, haven’t I?" I asked Bill softly while keeping a stare at the bright colored wrapper in my fingers.

"I know why though" he sighed.

"I have seen the way you have been feeling Tom. I feel it too you know. You feel you don’t have the right to even look at her for being such an angel while you are doing something that is clearly very wrong" he explained as I nodded my head slightly.