Caraphernelia- Sunshine, there ain't a thing that you can do that's gonna ruin my night. There's something about this dizzy dreamer and her bleeding little blue boy.
Kellin's always been like this. It wasn't his fault. Vic knew that. And yet, here the couple was, once again arguing over something neither of them could control. However, in his angry state of mind, Vic thought otherwise.
Ever since Kellin was little, people always let him down. First his dad left. Then his mom committed suicide. And so on and so forth. So in order to avoid any unnecessary pain in his life, he simply learned not to trust people. And it had worked for awhile. Sure, he didn't have any friends and no one liked him, but he didn't get hurt. Then Vic came along.
They had been together for about three years and moved into a house together a year ago. And although it took Kellin awhile to actually admit it, he was full blown in love with him. Vic on the other hand, was open to everyone, about everything. And the moment he realized just how much he cared about Kellin, he let the world know. They've been the perfect little couple. But once again, Kellin's fears and insecurities have come between them.
"I don't understand why you still won't just let me in! After everything we've been through! I'd do absolutely anything for you Kellin, but you can't let me into that strange little head of yours?!" Vic yelled, obviously irritated. Kellin sat there quietly and endured the scolding. He was scared. He always was when this happened. He was constantly fearing that one day Vic will realize that he's not worth the effort and leave him. And he just couldn't bare the thought of that. "Say something!"
"What do you want me to say?" Kellin responded quietly. "I'm sorry, ok? I'm sorry you have to deal with this. With me! That you never know what's going on or what I'm thinking because I'm always too scared to tell you!" Kellin's voice raised as he went on, every emotion he felt spilling out. "But what are you so afraid of?! That I'll judge or laugh at you or something? Do you really think that lowly of me? In the past three years, who has always stuck by you when you needed me?! And told you how much I love you and how I'd completely fall apart if I lost you!" Vic yelled even louder than before, his voice slightly cracking towards the end.
"Because I'm afraid something bad will happen! Something bad always happens when I open my mouth!" Vic just shook his head and turned away. "I'm done." He muttered before grabbing his keys and shoes. He was tired of feeling shut out. Tired of feeling like he wasn't doing enough as a boyfriend. "W-where are you going?" Kellin asked frantically, worrying that his worst fear of losing the one he loved was finally coming true. "Out. I'll be back later." Vic replied, putting on his shoes and looking anywhere but at Kellin. "O-ok. I love you." But by the time Kellin could get the words out, Vic was already out the door.
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Vic walked out of the crowded bar with his hands in his pockets and guilt on his conscience. When he left he had gone to a local bar in hopes that he could have a few drinks and calm down. Now that his mind has cleared, he felt absolutely terrible. He shouldn't have gotten so mad at Kellin, especially because he knows it's not Kellin's fault. He doesn't shut him out like that on purpose, it's just.... Him. It was around 11 at night and he hoped that by the time he got home Kellin was still awake, so that they could talk and Vic could apologize. What he felt the worse about was scaring Kellin. Just leaving like that, and not even giving the reassurance of saying 'I love you' back.
Vic walked up the drive way and to the front door with his keys in hand. It was dark and he was having trouble getting his key in the hole, but even in the dark, Vic could clearly see the broken glass on the ground to the right of him. The window that leads to their living room was shattered.
Panic instantly overtook him. He forgot all about trying to use the keys and just climbed through the window, being careful not to cut himself. When he stopped to look around the room, it was a complete mess. The table flipped across the room, papers all over the floor, the couch crooked like someone had bumped into it. "Kellin!" Vic called out as he started searching for his boyfriend. He looked in all the rooms downstairs and couldn't find a trace of him so he decided he must be upstairs. He bolted up the stairs only to almost trip on something half way up. When he looked down at the object he could see the metal shine in the moonlight creeping in from outside.
"Kellin!" He called more frantically, terrified of what state he might find him in. When he got to the hall just outside of their bedroom, his heart completely stopped before dropping into his stomach. There he was, his love, his life line, his entire world, bleeding out on the carpet. Vic rushed over to the pale boy and quickly held him in his arms. There was a big red stain on the middle of his shirt and a puddle of blood surrounding him. Who knows how long Kellin has been sitting here, just slowly bleeding to death. "Oh my god oh my god oh my god. This isn't happening." Vic mumbled while quickly getting his phone out of his pocket and dialing the three numbers he never thought his fingers would touch.
After giving them the address and pleading for them to hurry, Vic tightened his hold on the bleeding little boy. Kellin's gray eyes made their way to meet Vic's. He slowly reached over and grabbed his hand, mustering up all the strength he had left to squeeze it. "He took the ring." Kellin mumbled so quietly Vic wasn't sure if he heard correctly. "What? What are you talking about?"
"The guy who broke in. I had a ring. Had it for months actually. Too scared to ask you to accept it." Kellin almost whispered, adding a small and forced laugh at the end. Vic had tears streaming down his face and they weren't stopping anytime soon. "Kellin shush. I don't care about a ring right now." Vic tried to reassure the sweet boy when he saw the disappointment on his face. Here he was, bleeding to death in his lovers arms, and he was upset about an engagement ring. "But it wasn't supposed to just be a ring. It was supposed to be a ring that you were going to wear for the rest of your life." Kellin closed his eyes mid sentence and opened them again when they were silent. Vic shook his head and slowly leaned down, placing a soft kiss on the boys forehead, then leaning his own against it. "I love you Kellin. Please don't leave me. You can't leave me." The tears were coming down even harder now and Vic choked on his own words. Kellin brought a pale, shaking hand up to his face and placed it on his cheek.
"You'll be ok love. I promise, you'll be ok without me." Vic starting shaking his head again, but placed a hand over Kellin's, which was still cupping his face. "Don't talk like that Kells. You're going to be fine. The ambulance will be here any minute." He briefly wondered what the hell was taking them so long before turning his attention back to Kellin. "I don't have a minute to wait. We both know I'm not getting out of this." Vic pulled Kellin closer and buried his face in his neck, sobbing into it. Kellin's hands were tangled into Vics hair and he had his eyes closed. "I'm not letting you go." Vics voice came out mumbled and cracked. Kellin laughed and turned slightly to kiss the side of his head, without opening his eyes. He couldn't keep them open.
"I know." He whispered. Vic could hear the sirens getting closer to his house until they were at the door. But he knew they were much too late.
Kellin had been in his arms, and yet, he had slipped away.
