Evacuated

The Result

Things were not getting any better for me. Things weren't looking up. Sure life had changed a little, but not enough to make it okay. Until one day..

May Belle and I had always been alone in this life. Nothing passed me without passing her first. Then it'd just stop. Our world was a circle suppressed between the two of us. Nobody entered it and nobody exited it. It was us. Leslie and May Belle. The names sounded more familiar than Jess and Leslie. Which is where it all started. Jess helped give life to Leslie and May Belle. Without him, we never would've been who we are today. And whether that's a good thing or not was up for debate. Her and I made up our own songs and memorized them. We sang them on our own time. We'd be walking outside and whenever I was crying or panicking, she'd just start singing. Any song. She'd make it up on the spot and just go. Or it'd be a classic between the two of us. My sobbing would stop and we'd just walk in the silence of her gentle voice, singing quietly until we reached our destination. Whenever she was cold, sad or upset, I'd do the same for her. Even if I didn't know half the song, I'd repeat verses over and over until we got there. "I forgot we were even outside. I forgot I was cold. I didn't even realize we made it home" she'd serenade me as we arrived to the warmth of the house. We were something else, and as much as Jess would probably hate to admit it, he's the reason our bond reached unrealistic measures.

My thoughts were different than my words. Much different. There were things beyond Terabithia that I wouldn't even tell May Belle. And either way, I knew how she'd react to them anyhow, and I didn't need her worrying about me, so I didn't see the point in telling her horrific things she didn't need to hear anymore than she needed to hear Jess' endless taunts made by nothing but being there.

I came to Lark Creek with enthusiasm and hope. Especially hope. I wasn't an idiot, I knew people in Arlington didn't take much of a liking towards me. They hated me, actually. I didn't have many friends at school. Any, for that matter. I spent most of my time at school listening to the teacher and reading silently in my desk when the teacher wasn't teaching or wasn't in the room yet. Recess was nonetheless, exactly the same. I'd find a quiet place to read or write and hope some nasty kids wouldn't come up to me and start harassing me until the bell. Those were the unlucky days at Goodman Elementary. The funny thing was, it didn't touch me. I was who I was. In class, I didn't fear what I said might've been something to make fun of. I told tales, of things nobody else believed existed. Laughter spilled from across the class and covered the room, the hallways and the bus. But I didn't care. I didn't let anyone else define me. At school, I was who I was and nobody had the ability to silence me or change me. And at home, I returned with a huge smile on my face and would reply "good!" when I was asked about my day. Because it was. Bullying was something I took a low stance on. I looked down on bullies, not victims, even when that victim was me. I didn't pity myself or my life. I didn't pity the situation nor the outcomes of being who I was. Nonetheless, I was proud. Proud of who I was, not what people thought I should be. And that's what makes it scary to look back on who I was and compare that to who I am today.

No, I'm not proud of it. I used to be. And so I should've been. The first ten years of my life, I really thought I was unbreakable. I never gave bullies the power to take me down. I never let them into who I really was. And that explains how I got torn apart so quickly. I opened up to Jess. I let him into who I really was. I gave him the power to hurt me and trusted that he wouldn't. That was the biggest mistake of my life. Be careful who you trust, because even the best of friends can turn their back on you. I never knew what it was about Jess that made him stick out to me that first day, or why I chose to keep pushing and pushing for him to be my friend. Yes, in the end I did win. But, no. I didn't. I lost. I gave Jess the key to my happiness and trusted him not to destroy it. But he did. He destroyed it. And whoever destroys it is the only one who can fix it. That's how I wined up where I am today. The key to my happiness is broken, and without Jess, it can never be resorted again.