Your Hope (YoonSeok)

Chap 1

Yoongi's Pov

Pain. Pain is all I ever feel. Mental pain and then physical pain to take that away. I never thought that I would be the lonely guy in school or the self-harmer, but by now I'm used to the pain from the self-inflicted cuts. One cut eventually turned into ten, soon twenty and then there were so many I eventually lost count.

I don't know what it is--the way the blood rises to the surface or the burning sensation that temporarily takes the mental pain away. The feeling soon became impossible to live without. It felt good whilst on doing it but the next day I would feel worse than before because I made a promise with myself that I was done with it then I would be more angry and upset I actually wasn't done with it. I've lost all control. My body soul are slowly destroying themselves. I've lost all faith in myself, lost all hope in life and myself.

I lift my finger and run it over the new wounds that I have made, cringing slightly because of how it stings. You know why people cut? Because it's a distraction. A distraction from everything. For a moment you don't feel anything--you don't feel the pain, the loneliness or the pressure. You don't feel any of it--all you feel is the razor being dragged across your skin, the blood dripping down your arm or your stomach. You think about how damaged you are or how stupid you feel, or the way people talk about you behind your back thinking you don't know. In reality, you're in the toilet stall listening to your old friends' bitch about you and talk about how you are a 'freak' or 'the boy whose mother died'. When you think all the loneliness and pain is gone, it hits you like a tidal wave. It all comes crashing down. The cuts aren't fresh enough, and it builds up inside of you until you make another cut and another. Go a bit deeper so you feel numb.

It's all about control. You have it. You can't control the pain on the inside, so you control it on the outside.

But I lose control and I barely feel it any more.