Your Hope (YoonSeok)

Chap 13

There are things that have to be forgotten if you want to go on living

- Jim Thompson

Yoongi's Pov

I woke up covered in sweat, out of breath and the urge to self-harm.

I could have saved my mum, I could have gotten her out quick enough. I just should have listened to her singing and be grateful I could hear her voice even though it was terrible.

I leaned over my bed and grabbed the blade from the draw and just began harming myself. Because I knew I deserved it.

I gripped my hair in my hands and rocked on the bed. I felt the blood running down my arm onto my bare legs.

"I could have saved her," I muttered. "I could have saved her. It's all my fault."

I pulled my hair making an angry sound.

You could have saved her but you were selfish.

"I'm not selfish, she told me to leave her."

But your mum would never leave you. She would fight for you.

"I know, I know." I gripped my hair tighter.

So pathetic, crying over your mum. You killed her.

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO!" I screamed. "I didn't mean to kill her I promise. I didn't mean too."

I heard the door bang open and someone gathers me up in their arms. I saw the greyish hair of my grandpa.

"Grandpa I didn't mean to kill her! Believe me, grandpa, I didn't mean to."

Like she would be a killer. A murderer.

"Grandpa, believe me, please I didn't mean to," I begged my grandpa.

"You didn't kill her Yoongi. You didn't I promise you."

He is lying. Pathetic.

"Stop talking to me!" I screamed.

I heard my grandpa mumbling.

I just kept screaming and shouting at the voice to shut up. I felt my arm all sticky from the blood.

"It wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault." I kept muttering to myself.

I felt myself being lifted up and put on something. I opened my eyes and saw two people in a green uniform indicating they were the ambulance people.

"Yoongi can you hear me?" I just nodded. "We are just going to take you to the hospital okay?"

"Mmm, but you believe me I didn't kill her."

"Yes, Yoongi we believe you." The women said.

"Okay. Is my grandpa coming?" I asked in a baby voice.

"Yeah, he is waiting downstairs. You're going to be okay Yoongi."

"I'm going to be okay," I whispered to myself.

You will always be labelled a murderer.

"I'm not a murderer," I whispered to the voice.

Look at all the blood on your hand. Your mother's blood.

"No no, it's my blood. My blood."

I saw the streetlights on and the flashing lights of the ambulance lighting up some houses. I felt the bed I was on being lifted and securely placed in the back of the ambulance.

"My my grandpa where is he?" I asked the women.

"I'm here my dear. I'm here." I saw my grandpa take my hand and stroke my face.

"I'm sorry." Was the last thing I remember saying before passing out.